Is it Me? Trying to Understand Why My Friendships End

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I have the daunting task of initiating yet another friendship break up, it seems I’ve experienced more breakups in the last few years than in my entire life.

I know that some people are in your life for a season, but I was hoping that this person would be around for at least that, can I get a season? Damn.

So here is my problem, I care very much for the person but their sometimes racial insensitivity towards my culture has become a bit much for me. I keep thinking to myself all I need is time and these negative feelings that I’m experiencing towards this person will fade. But sadly they haven’t, anyone who knows me knows that I have no filter and if I continue this “relationship” with this person I’ll have to censor myself especially in the case of discussions on race or injustice. (honestly IMO if I were white and having these types of discussions I don’t think this person would say some of the things that they have said). If we’re friends, better yet if you put me in the box where you now consider me family I shouldn’t feel like I don’t have to the right to discuss certain things. I don’t want to hear insensitive crap!

It’s funny I made a post on my facebook page (www.facebook.com/talkandt) about how it’s so easy for people to say things like “blacks need to get over this, or blacks need to stop making everything about race” like “we” invented or asked for racism or decided one day “we’re” going to play the victims in society and blame everything on the “man”. Fuck outta here! It’s even more disappointing when it comes from a person of color! I understand why some white people may feel uncomfortable, but my thing is this, if you aren’t racist or racially bias or a bigot you shouldn’t be in your feelings when some shit happens and the person doing it happens to be a racist white person. You aren’t that person, and that persons actions isn’t a representation of all white people, and the same goes for someone black doing some uncool shit their actions aren’t a representation of every black person. I’m going on a rant and I need to rein it in.

I know I have a tendency to take things personal that shouldn’t necessarily be taken personally but what can I say “I’m sensitive about my shit”, I don’t think I’m a friendship saboteur or at least I hope I’m not. I honestly don’t know what to do, I despise sweeping shit under the rug and pretending everything is all good. It’s not my style by far, having feelings freaking sucks!

One example of my having to end a friendship I thought was a really good friendship (a sisterhood) about four years ago (wow four years) I ended it because again, I felt like I was put in a place by the person where I couldn’t be a true genuine friend. The person I thought was my friend wasn’t really looking for a friend but a “yes” girl. She did something and I called her on it, then she made up an extravagant story of lies and I decided it was just too much.

Like damn, we are only friends if you have to make up shit because you don’t like what I’m saying than we aren’t as cool as I thought we were. I mean it was simple I said what I had to say and all she had to do was say “hey ya know what I respect you, but I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do no matter who likes it”. One thing I don’t tolerate in any relationship is a liar especially a convincing liar, if you can lie about you and your kid being abused to gain sympathy for some bullshit, that’s a major character flaw IMO.

I honestly think I’m too emotional for my own good, is it me? Am I too judgemental? too sensitive? Whatever the case may be it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to have to break up with yet another friend that I was hoping would be in my life for the long run.

This is some bullswanky…

T

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3 thoughts on “Is it Me? Trying to Understand Why My Friendships End

  1. It doesn’t sound like you’re the problem… and if you’re emotional, a few people probably drove you there. It’s hard not to get emotional over huge disappointments. My husband and I are still in the process of jettisoning our more negative friends right now, and it never gets any less difficult or any less disappointing. It sounds like you’re just trying to do what you need to do for your own conscience and sanity. I’ve had friends who never seemed to understand just how heart-breaking racism is – it’s like they’re from another planet.

    1. Exactly, my circle was smaller but it’s starting to seem like it’s closing in on me…I guess that’s all apart of growth.

  2. I’m a good, caring, giving person and I’ve gotten used and hurt a lot because of this. I finally realized that people are people and they aren’t perfect.

    Now I’m a firm believer in guarding my heart. I don’t get real close to anyone but a select few and I mean very few.

    It’s better to have no friends than a friend who treats you less than you’re worth!

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