Time Heals all Wounds?

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I’m not sure who said time heals all wounds, but I’m sure they meant physical and not emotional. If there is no closure in any situation the “wound” will always reopen, I’m living proof of it.

I have mommy and daddy issues (who doesnt’ right), I have completely healed from my daddy issues because I have closure thanks to my dad. He apologized and acknowledged his lack of appearance in my life growing up, we haven’t spoken in roughly two years and we probably won’t speak every again and I’m ok with it (he has stipulations on our having a relationship that include his wife and two daughters and I’m not going to be forced to deal with anyone especially people I don’t like or respect, but that’s another post).  His absence no longer leaves a void, because I have answers.

My mother on the other hand has apologized but it was one of those “If I did anything to hurt you I apologize” apologies, which in my opinion are not apologies at all.To say the word “if”, implies you have not acknowledged or have the slightest clue what you did to hurt someone. She has yet to take the most important step in our healing process which is acknowledgment, the lack of acknowledgement is what keeps reopening my wounds. I’ll go a good three or four months and be semi-ok with our relationship and then I will wake up one day and all of those negative feelings will come flooding back.

I continue to try to rationalize and internalize my feelings, forcing myself to accept what’s unacceptable, my feelings are valid things were done and said that have impacted my life and by forcing myself to take accountability for someone elses actions I’m only doing harm to myself. No matter how great all other aspects of my life are, I will continue to circle back to these feelings I have towards her. If I never spoke to her again for the rest of my life it would probably be easier, out of sight out of mind right?

So do I think time heals all wounds? No sir/madam. Only resolution and closure can heal and help any situation from the pettiest of situations to the most serious.

T

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5 thoughts on “Time Heals all Wounds?

  1. I’m glad you were able to get closure with your dad, and I’m sorry about your mom. Back-handed apologies always sting. Your feelings on the matter seem completely normal and legitimate to me – most people I know would feel that way if they were wronged, and then forced to find “healing” without closure or acknowledgement of the truth.

    Time can heal some wounds, but not all. I think a major problem is that people just want to get away with stuff. There are many convenient little sayings people use to shove all the responsibility onto the victim, as if healing were a one-way street. The onus is upon the victimizer to change / take responsibility. I don’t know how long society will continue playing this game. The most common saying people have used with me is, “It can’t hurt you if you don’t let it.” which is all well and good if you’re not the one on the receiving end of the abuse. I know this is wrong by sheer example – without fail, anyone who has said things like this to me has had a completely different attitude when they’ve been hurt.

    1. Exactly,it seems super easy for people to try and make you feel like you’re overreacting or letting something get to you for no reason, but when the shoe is on the other foot they expect you to be compassionate.

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