I’m a firm believer in giving people the proverbial rope to hang themselves with, or in the eloquent words of Maya Angelou “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.
More befitting in the case of this post, when people show you who you are to THEM, believe them the first time.
I’m some what of a softy when it comes to people I love, in this case a certain person has shown me who I am to them, but I just didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to believe I was more than what I am now realizing I really am. I thought I had the honor of being a part of the club of people of holding a special place in this persons heart, BOY was I wrong.
When you build new relationships with people and you find out that you’re just a consolation prize because of how you are introduced to the person, it stings when you finally realize it.
I don’t understand why it seems that it’s impossible for most people in my life to be honest, especially when you ask them before any drama happens.
Perfect example, about a year ago I sensed that my husband’s favorite aunt wasn’t feeling me so, I asked my husband and one of his siblings what they thought. My husband told me to ask his aunt, his sibling told me I was tripping and not to worry about it. I listened to my husband and asked his aunt, she informed me that there was no problem at all, fast forward to a few months later, I say something online that she thinks is about one of her nephews and when I tell you this woman let me have it. SHE GAVE IT TO ME RAW WITH NO LUBRICANT, everything I was feeling leading up to this moment finally came out-and-out of respect for my husband I took the tongue lashing with grace and class (which was extremely hard and shows how much I really love my husband).
After this point I made it clear to the people who I hold dearest in his family that I didn’t want a repeat, and if any of them were a part of my life just because I was married to him they should let me know instead of having me put myself out there emotionally when they know good damn well they aren’t feeling me.
Off topic real quick – I know I’m not an easy person to stomach sometimes, but my intentions and my heart are always in the right place especially when I let you into my heart.
I’m in a place now after having an eye-opening text conversation with the person who prompted me to write this post, where I’m starting to become untrusting of people I trusted before. People I believed would have my back in the same way that I’ve had theres. My husband has the luxury of knowing for a fact that he’s not liked (even if it is for no reason) by my mom, she let him know that. I feel like some people in his family are afraid to be real about how they really feel about me because they think it will make him withdrawal from them. Which isn’t true, I don’t care who you are, you don’t have to like me or pretend to be my friend, but you will respect me in my home and I will do the same.
The problem is people don’t know how to be honest until you do something to piss them off, but at that point there is no coming back from it especially when you’ve given them time and time again to express their feelings without drama.
I guess the fault falls on me, because I’ve been shown who I am to them and I just didn’t want to believe it…well guess what I’m finally a believer.