I’m finally a believer…

For-Do-you-have-authentic-relationships

I’m a firm believer in giving people the proverbial rope to hang themselves with, or in the eloquent words of  Maya Angelou “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.

More befitting in the case of this post, when people show you who you are to THEM, believe them the first time.

I’m some what of a softy when it comes to people I love, in this case a certain person has shown me who I am to them, but I just didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to believe I was more than what I am now realizing I really am. I thought I had the honor of being a part of the club of people of holding a special place in this persons heart, BOY was I wrong.

When you build new relationships with people and you find out that you’re just a consolation prize because of how you are introduced to the person, it stings when you finally realize it.

I don’t understand why it seems that it’s impossible for most people in my life to be honest, especially when you ask them before any drama happens.

Perfect example, about a year ago I sensed that my husband’s favorite aunt wasn’t feeling me so, I asked my husband and one of his siblings what they thought. My husband told me to ask his aunt, his sibling told me I was tripping and not to worry about it. I listened to my husband and asked his aunt, she informed me that there was no problem at all, fast forward to a few months later, I say something online that she thinks is about one of her nephews and when I tell you this woman let me have it. SHE GAVE IT TO ME RAW WITH NO LUBRICANT, everything I was feeling leading up to this moment finally came out-and-out of respect for my husband I took the tongue lashing with grace and class (which was extremely hard and shows how much I really love my husband).

After this point I made it clear to the people who I hold dearest in his family that I didn’t want a repeat, and if any of them were a part of my life just because I was married to him they should let me know instead of having me put myself out there emotionally when they know good damn well they aren’t feeling me.

Off topic real quick – I know I’m not an easy person to stomach sometimes, but my intentions and my heart are always in the right place especially when I let you into my heart.

I’m in a place now after having an eye-opening text conversation with the person who prompted me to write this post, where I’m starting to become untrusting of people I trusted before. People I believed would have my back in the same way that I’ve had theres. My husband has the luxury of knowing for a fact that he’s not liked (even if it is for no reason) by my mom, she let him know that. I feel like some people in his family are afraid to be real about how they really feel about me because they think it will make him withdrawal from them. Which isn’t true, I don’t care who you are, you don’t have to like me or pretend to be my friend, but you will respect me in my home and I will do the same.

The problem is people don’t know how to be honest until you do something to piss them off, but at that point there is no coming back from it especially when you’ve given them time and time again to express their feelings without drama.

I guess the fault falls on me, because I’ve been shown who I am to them and I just didn’t want to believe it…well guess what I’m finally a believer.

T

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4 thoughts on “I’m finally a believer…

  1. Situations like this always suck, and I’m still learning how to handle them. I see what you mean about the emotional investment – It hurts being burned by people whom you care for, and the risk feels higher and higher the more often it happens. It hurts far less to have someone simply say they don’t care for you, and to explain objectively why.

    There was a similar situation with my husband’s family, except they wouldn’t say anything to my face. It got so bad that we had to completely write them out of our lives. It came out of nowhere. At first, they said they loved me. The trouble began right after my husband told them that he was truly happy and wanted to settle down. I was suddenly unwelcome in their home (they told my husband, not me). They began telling him that his happiness was a lie, that I was “using” him (even though I had my own money and took care of myself), that I was a bad person, and that my physical health would never improve (none of them being doctors). When he provided them with actual proof that they were wrong, they then tried using this: “Well, you two have been together for too long. It’s been a whole year – first relationships aren’t supposed to last.” They even tried bribing him to leave me.

    It became clear that they wanted to have a problem (under the guise of “the concerned family”). So, we stopped talking to them. Since then, they’ve tried everything (from guilt-tripping to sending letters asking my husband to “let them welcome me into the family”, but not apologizing) to get him speaking to them again. They even tried reaching me through facebook. It’s as if they don’t understand that we already know we can’t trust them, and that we’ve noticed these letters only arrive right before holidays and other events where it might seem a little odd that their son isn’t speaking to them. Life is too short to trust people like this.

    1. That sounds horrible, I don’t understand people and honestly I am growing weary of trying to. It’s stressful and draining, especially when you genuinely care for people. I’m looking at it this way, the universe is clearly out my “closet” to make sure the people with the right energy and right intentions are in my life. At first it hurt my feelings, but I understand that things happen for a reason so I’m gonna ride the wave and think positively and keep it moving. It’s all up to me how I use my emotions because no one controls my emotions but me. That sounds super cliche lol

      1. Maybe it’s cliche, but it’s true, lol ^-^! That’s a good point… you’re finding out who’s good for you, and who isn’t. As much of a pain as it is, I really would rather know. Up until just a couple years ago, I didn’t have a choice regarding how many emotional leeches were in my life (you’re right, it’s very draining). Now that I do, I’m trying to summon all my strength to put them out and keep them out. I believe thinking positively will be so much easier with all of the nay-sayers and parasites gone.

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