Self: Perception Is a Bitch!


Perception is a motherfucker (excuse my french) I always believed if I was unapologetically myself, the people who mattered would be accepting of me.

I was WRONG! no shit Sherlock!

What I’m learning about myself via the perceptions of others are these wonderful jewels;

  1. I’m not allowed to have an opinion
  2. I get Rah Rah about everything and that’s why the people I love and care about the most are scared to approach me when they feel I’ve done something wrong to them. (evidently in my past at some point I must have smacked a few bitches for having real valid problems with me – insert side eye here)
  3. I’m too honest
  4. I’m suppose to only post bullshit happiness on social media, because evidently that’s the only reason social media was created.
  5. I lack diversity
  6. I’m a racist (this is mind-blowing to me)
  7. I like drama or in most cases people don’t understand that confrontation does NOT equate to drama (Confrontation doesn’t always mean anger or aggression)
  8. I’m not allowed to be or feel passionate about anything because that equates to anger (because I’m a black woman of course and god knows we can’t just be passionate it always has to be we’re angry about something)
  9. People can’t handle my honesty

Happy Friday Folks!



13 thoughts on “Self: Perception Is a Bitch!

  1. What is that saying… Other people’s opinion of us is none of our business. This is a good example of why. How could we really ever know another person if we haven’t been inside their shoes and minds šŸ˜‰

    1. This is true, the exact reason why I don’t impose my opinions on others. My children yes, anyone else no way. But lately I feel like everyone I know has been assigned the task of telling me what they think is wrong with me or all out making up things.

  2. I think I know how you feel… except I usually get the opposite. I get told that I don’t react enough, or that I must “not have feelings”. A lot of people have told me that I “don’t care about them” because (I guess) I express my feelings differently. They tell me that I’m cold and unfeeling because (a lot of times) I prefer to research things before taking sides/reacting, and they don’t seem to like hearing “I don’t know.” as my honest answer – they always seem to assume I’m lying.

    That’s weird… you don’t seem like a person who craves drama, you just seem very passionate and honest about how you feel/what you think. I would’ve thought that people would like the fact that you’re straight-forward, so they never have to guess where you’re coming from. Racist? Lacking in diversity? No way! Yeah, I have noticed that about social media… people can only write “happy” things (even when they’re not happy), or else they’re being “negative” (as if being fake weren’t a negative thing). There seems to be a double standard: if you’re black (and especially if you’re female), you have to dial back your emotions lest you find yourself profiled as “too angry” or “you know how they are…”. But if you’re anything else (especially white it seems), you’re “intense”, “outspoken”, or “complex”. I remember telling the woman I used to live with that I didn’t really enjoy watching old racist movies with her; she told me that I was “overreacting”, “deliberately looking for racism everywhere” and “maybe accidentally racist against white people.” I said my piece in a calm tone, never raised my voice, and yet was still met with a “Hey, calm down!” reaction. I’m never sure why people interpret things the way do.

    1. It’s sad, the saddest part is that I lost what I thought was a good friend because of one of my blog posts and their lack of communication abilities, which now leads me to believe we weren’t as close as I thought. Evidently I’m so intimidating that people choose to be dishonest instead of truthful.

      1. That’s a shame; I’m really sorry to hear that, and I wish you didn’t have to lose that friend. I see how that could lead to questions about the stability/depth of the friendship in the first place. You’re strong, but you don’t seem too intimidating to talk to. I was told a lot in college that if I kept academically “competing” with the male students, none of them would ask me out. It didn’t make me stop, but it did make me wonder what kind of people they were.

      2. I don’t understand it because I’ve never come off nasty to this person. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard that I’m intimidating and it’s sad because with the people I care for I go out of my way to understand where they are coming from. Now if you piss me off or do something crazy to me, I don’t know anyone who isn’t going to be upset this person has never experienced that side of me first hand. I just think she was trying to justify being dishonest. The worst part was the assumption on my character that I would be shady as to blast this person on social media, which leads me to wonder why would you want to be friends with me if you thought I was that type of person. Not to say I haven’t vented about my mom or dad or other people, but those are cases where talking to them isn’t an option and venting is all I could do. And this person knows that, I find it disappointing that this person is playing the victim role like my post really effected them in a negative way when I never said anything bad about them. I guess the universe wants me to learn a lesson from this and I guess I have to do some self reflection to figure out what that is.

      3. That seems like a logical way to release frustrations if you can’t discuss a problem with someone. I wonder why they believed you were talking about them. I’ve had the exact same thing happen to me: I wrote about my frustrations, and a family member thought I was talking about them (for reasons that are unknown to me). And I just lost them entirely. It is very sad when someone seems to think so little of you/your character that they’d assume you’ve been writing things behind their back without speaking to them first. It does sound like she’s being dishonest. I’ve had many misunderstandings with people where I’ve come to find that they assumed I was being dishonest because they were always dishonest with me. Yeah, I wish I knew what lesson was to be learned from this, but I think I’m too pessimistic to come up with a positive one, lol ^-^’.

      4. Lol @ too pessimistic. I promised myself a few months back I wouldn’t internalize others opinions of me, learn from it decide if it’s worth it, resolve it or move on. In this case I decided moving on, I doubt she realized today we wouldn’t be friends but I’m sure she’s realized it by now. Worst part is we work together and everyone knows we were/are close so now I have to navigate that and make sure the environment remains professional. Which is easy I’ll just go back to being to myself at work and being my normal pleasant self is all.

      5. Sounds like a good policy to have regarding others’ opinions. I usually don’t have a problem moving on (physically), but it’s difficult not internalizing other people’s problems. Hopefully I’ll get better at that. I’m sorry about the awkward position you’ve been put in (I have no idea how I’d handle it). I’m glad you have the fortitude and positivity to keep things professional. I’d be scared, lol ^-^’. Back when I worked in the dean’s office, I was told (after the fact) that a student worker had stolen some paperwork and implicated me. They didn’t believe her, so they didn’t tell me until their investigation was over. The thing I remember most about that was being so glad that I didn’t have to see her at work.

      6. One thing I’m super good at is professionalism at work! I think internalizing just means we care which isn’t a bad thing to care. Knowing when to stop and care more about what’s best for you is what’s important.

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