Unrealistic Expectations – Ladies Edition


I can recall times when I was a single lady, discussing what I wanted in a mate and listening to my girlfriends do the same. At the time most of my girlfriends and I shared the same views on who our “perfect” mate would be. Someone accepting of our children, honest, trustworthy, considerate, etc., no where in our preferred characteristics of a “perfect” mate were, what I like to call superficial additives.

What do I mean by superficial additives? Some women confuse a man’s worth i.e., his earning potential or assets with his character. As a married broad, some of my single friends want a man who makes a certain amount or drive a certain car, it seems that no one is interested in a man’s character, but more so his earning potential/tax bracket.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman who knows what she wants in a mate, whether that be superficial or not, what does bother me is a woman’s expectations of her mate and what she has to offer not matching what she wants.

You want a man to look a certain way, but you’re appearance doesn’t match what you want your mate to look like. Or you want a man to make a certain amount of money, but you’re not bringing the same to the table. In my opinion you attract what you put out there, if you want to be taken care of you should probably look like you take damn good care of yourself first. If I’m a man and you want me to treat you like a Porsche you damn well better look like a Porsche or at least a BMW.

It makes no sense to have such high expectations of your partner when you don’t have your ish together. I remember a “friend” telling me that I had low expectations for not wanting a “baller”, and that was fine, that was her opinion, we were looking for different qualities in a man. I earn my money, so I don’t NEED that “quality” in a man, superficial additives are not qualities in my opinion. Yes its fun to know if I want to buy some shit, my man can buy it for me, but there is nothing wrong with him not being able to buy it for me.

What makes a great man/partner is character, what’s the point in having a man who can buy you everything under the sun if he’s a low down dirty dog. Superficial additives don’t make the man, or at least they shouldn’t and if they do maybe you should do a little soul-searching and ask yourself why do the additives matter more than character?



4 thoughts on “Unrealistic Expectations – Ladies Edition

  1. I really feel you on this one. I’ve been told that my standards/expectations for a mate were “too high” for placing love and character above money. A lot of my female friends in college (and after college) told me that I’d “end up very lonely” if I waited to marry an honest man instead of taking the first offer with “enough money” (whatever the hell that is). And then, of course, when I met an honest guy, suddenly it was, “He’s going to be a teacher? Your standards are too low.” The woman I lived with told me that I shouldn’t stay with him forever based on his physical appearance, “He’s too skinny, and he’s white. Wouldn’t you rather have someone more exotic-looking, like yourself? You know… like a black guy or a Mexican?” (She’s white). I’m not kidding… that’s an exact quote.

    Yeah, I had a friend who would say similar things… “I want someone rich who’ll like take care of me, you know? Like I’m a princess. He should sweep in and carry me off into the sunset. I hope it’s like some Asian guy who’s grateful that I’m white.” Again, not kidding, exact quote. She wanted a rich guy to come in and save her from having to get her own life together. I’ve had so many friends (female and male) who seem to feel they deserve so much more from a mate than what they’re willing to contribute.

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