Losing Yourself

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I used to know what I wanted out of my life, and I still kind of do. I definitely want to be the best mother and wife that I can possibly be.

But I don’t want to be one of those women who is only defined by my children and husband. Where the only things I have to contribute to a normal conversation are how well my kiddies and hubby are.

I used to write poetry a lot, but my poems were only as good as the hurt that I was feeling at the time. Now that I’m happy I have no inspiration. (I wonder if Adele is having the same problem with her music now that she’s happy?)

I used to do a lot of things and I’m wondering why I feel uninspired to do any of those things anymore. The only things I’ve been consistent with over the last four months have been this blog and getting into shape.

I’m not sure what the problem is, I’m not depressed I know the signs of depression because I suffer from depression from time to time. I think I’m just not that interested in me. Does that even make sense? I mean how can a person be uninterested in themselves?

I’ve definitely been striving to be a better person, a “mature positive heifer” and not a “petty mean girl”.

I shaved the perimeter of my head and left my locs on top, I like how it looks. I’m happy with how my body is shaping up. I’m content with work. My husband and kids are my world, I can’t imagine what I’d do without them.

Is it possible to become bored with oneself?

T

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5 thoughts on “Losing Yourself

  1. Congrats on all the progress you’ve been making with your workouts! Sounds like you’ve been working hard ^-^. Yeah, I think it’s possible to become bored with oneself; It happens to me sometimes. I know this might not be exactly the same, but I think at least part of it (for me) is that, once you reach a certain age, people start telling you that your life is over, or that you “shouldn’t” do things in general. I used to love doing a bunch of things. But once I hit my early to mid 20’s, a lot of people (mostly other women, but a few men too) began telling me that I was “getting too old” for the whole creativity thing, and that anything I’m not making money off of should just be put away. I’ve been receiving a very strong message that “a wife” is all I should focus on being now, even though I have plans for my life. It’s confusing, and it causes me to lose interest in doing fun/creative things for myself sometimes.

    1. Don’t lose it! I enjoy seeing the things you’ve created online. I think we just get in ruts, and we have to find our way out of it. I’m definitely not feeling the focusing on being a wife statement, we shouldn’t have to compromise our identity, wife is a small part of who we are. People are weird, they are super quick to try to tell you what you should be doing, when they aren’t following their own advice. Smh control issues for sure.

      1. Aw, thanks! Yeah, you’re right, and finding one’s way out of a rut can be a good learning experience. You know, it didn’t occur to me that the “focus on being a wife” thing was a controlling statement. And I think that’s because people always say it with such certainty. But you’re right, they’re so full of it ^-^.

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