The sex talk I continuously have with my seventeen year old (I say continuously because the “talk” shouldn’t be a one time thing, it should be something that takes place on an ongoing basis until you can’t talk about it anymore) isn’t the same conversation (singular) that I had with my mom.
I remember my mom telling me how babies were made, not what sex was.
Well I talk to my teen about sex, the good, the bad and the ugly. We talk about how it feels, how it’s a normal part of being human because we’re sexual beings. I’m not teaching her that sex is bad, like most of our parents (if you’re a 70’s or 80’s baby) did with us. And I’m definitely not being unrealistic in telling her she should wait until she gets married to have sex.
I do tell her she should wait until she finds a person deserving of her gift (and I say gift because “giving” your virginity to someone shouldn’t be something you do all willy nilly or just give to anybody especially not a #fuckboy.) this is something she’s going to remember for the rest of her life.
I on the other hand lost my virginity to someone I didn’t care about, out of pure curiosity. I was tired of hearing my girlfriends talk about sex and pretending that I knew what they were talking about. If I could go back in time the who and why I lost my virginity would change most definitely. I don’t want my teen to feel like I do and that’s why I talk to her honestly and openly about sex.
I’m not trying to be my daughters friend, but what I am trying to do is let her know that I’m #teamher. And if that means taking her to a store and buying her a dildo because she’d rather learn the art of self gratification, than hey I’m taking her to the store. I mean it’s the purest form of safe sex ever anyway.
When she does decide she’s found the right person to share her gift with, I’m hoping all of this sometimes uncomfortable talk will be taken into consideration in her decision making. I want her to be smart about her body and the choices she makes with it, from what she puts in her mouth nutritionally to what she puts in her mouth sexually. (yes I did go there and that’s how I talk to her, no holds bar. I don’t need her learning all the wrong shit about sex from her stupid friends who know just as much or less than what she knows.)
Communication is the greatest way to get through to your kids, talk to them and talk some more and keep talking until they start talking back to you. I’m telling you it works.