I always thought I’d stay the cool hip mom forevah (evah evah, evah evah), because black don’t crack and I’m banging on 37 but I can pull off 28 on any given day (maybe 25 when I lose these last 15lbs).
While spending time with my cousin (who’s cool as shit, cooler than me by the way) at the Roots Festival (I officially renamed it because I refuse to use the “P” word, know your history) I’ve realized I’m not as cool as I once thought I was and I be on some old lady shit for reals.
I have questions that maybe ya’ll young bucks can help me answer.
- Who/What are the Migos? and why are they famous? They sing live using auto tune, is that considered good music?
- Is it normal to be tired as hell the closer it gets to midnight and you’re banging on 40? or is it just me? Cause midnight came and I was ready for my pillow.
- Am I showing my age because I refuse to “beat” my face like a drag queen in 90 degree humid, thigh rubbin’ and sweatin’ type of weather?
- Can you people watch at any age and find it enjoyable or do I find it extra enjoyable because I’m old as shit?
- I don’t get the new slang (I feel old just saying new slang), what’s the difference between twisted and lit? I thought they both meant the same thing.
- Crowds make me uncomfortable, the young and vivacious T loved a good crowd back in the day. That meant more people to be seen by, now I clutch my purse and pray a sweaty person doesn’t touch me.
- Is it possible to have a hangover within the same night? or am I just a light weight? Free drinks were popping and I couldn’t pass up free drinks, but when I tried to eat a delicious buffalo chicken cheesesteak my stomach said “or nah”.
- The running man that isn’t the running man really makes me angry, it’s ridiculous I don’t understand why I care so much, but it feels like the millennials are trying to take a piece of my young adulthood and remix it even though it doesn’t need or asked to be remixed.
- I didn’t think dressing for your age was a real thing, like I thought some old bitch made it up because she looked super old and wanted to make the “us” young bishes feel bad about being able to wear ish she couldn’t pull off. It’s real and you should do it, if you’re over 35 years old and you’re running around with flower covered short rompers and flower crowns on your head, stop that shit immediately.
- “Because I said so”, that phrase got on my last nerve when my mother used to say it, I uttered those words to my eight year old. If that isn’t a clear sign that I’m not the cool mom I thought I was I don’t know what is.
Are any of you feeling robbed of your coolness because you have chirren, let’s chat in the comments section.