Emotionally speaking I like to think I’m an open book, sometimes sharing maybe too much for others comfort level. For some reason people I know seem surprised to hear I have insecurities. Confidence and insecurities aren’t mutually exclusive. Yes I am confident and yes I am insecure.
I have a hard time looking people outside of hubby and the kids in the eyes not because of dishonesty, but because I am insecure about certain facial features. I feel like by staring at a person too long they’ll see my imperfections; the things I dislike most about myself like my front teeth, which is rooted from childhood when I was teased a lot for having big teeth.
Yes I know these things may seem irrational and silly, but they’re my insecurities. I’m insecure about my parenting skills, I’m afraid that going against how I was raised will affect my kids negatively. I want so badly to not make the same mistakes my parents made that maybe I’m not concentrating on mishaps I myself am causing.
I’m the insecure one in my marriage, I ask myself often “will he still love me when I’m old” “am I pretty enough?”, “am I too fat?”… These are things that he’s expressed discontent with, I think about them and I try not to deflect my feelings on him. I wonder sometimes do “we” all have these crazy thoughts and if so why? Why can’t I be happy with the thought that those stretch marks just might not bother him the way they bother me.
Socially speaking, I’m insecure about my personality, while I’d never try to change who I am to get people to like me. I do wonder at times why some people are so standoffish when it comes to me and my views of the world. No I don’t have the most popular opinions/views on various issues or topics and I try not to make people feel bad, but I have no control over others feelings so honestly the issue may be you and not me if you happen to feel some kind of way about my opinions and views. I don’t do “fake”, I’m bad at it horrible and sometimes that’s a good thing and a bad thing depends on the people honestly. Some people can’t handle no filter while others find it refreshing, again it depends on the people.
For the most part I’m a “G” at keeping my insecurities in check, which is probably why people are surprised when they find out that I am human and I actually do share the same irrational thoughts that they do.
One thing is for certain it’s not fair to us or our loved ones to force our insecurities onto them. I guess the best remedy for insecurities is to try positive affirmations, self love is free…
Are you insecure? How do you deal with your insecurities?