In Jill Scott’s song titled “Lighthouse” from her album Woman she sings the following lyrics in the last verse of the song;
If we should even be
See I’m in love with a man
Who loves me
He’d do anything
Oh his heart knows no boundaries
With a different pen
On different paper
So I’m sitting here
If we should even be
I, too, have needs
Like my thought on a beat
Hypnotic and sweet
Part of the dream
And I need you
On the other side of the speaker
To look up a little more
And think a little deeper
And live in your truth
I need that too
I need to do that too
These lyrics and the idea behind acceptance of a mans “need” sow his seed with various women is intriguing to me. When I was a younger there would be no need to ask the question titled in this post because I already knew, if a dude cheated on me I was out or he was gonna get some get back fo sho.
I’m grown ass woman these days and I view things differently than I did before. The idea that cheating being a deal breaker in a relationship, or multi-relationships. For me personally cheating isn’t a deal breaker because he’s stepped out on the relationship and had sex with another woman. Cheating is a deal breaker because the act of cheating requires an individual to be dishonest and I’ll never tolerate being lied to. There is no coming back from losing trust for me.
The sex factor doesn’t bother me, sex is natural it’s something that we were created to enjoy. If my man feels like I’m not satisfying him and he wants to explore a sexual relationship with another woman, I’d rather have that very uncomfortable conversation and be ok with what he wants, then to be lied to because that ending isn’t going to be pretty. I know some of ya’ll are sucking your teeth or calling bullshit or saying “That’s some weak bitch shit”, but my relationship is my relationship what works for ya’ll works for ya’ll.
But why is negative judgement the automatic response for someone doing something within their relationship that varies drastically from the norm? Wanting honesty first and allowing your man to feed his “craving” if that’s what he needs, isn’t a bad thing if it’s something you’ve agreed upon in your grown up ass relationship.
Why does that woman automatically become a “weak bitch”? Maybe she’s super secure with herself and her relationship and she knows where his heart is? There is nothing written in stone that says a man or woman doesn’t love their spouse or significant other if they have sex with other people.
I guess I’m just on some evolved shit, who says the theory of evolution only pertains to the physical world, when are our ideals going to evolve? These roles and ideas of what and who make up the perfect relationship are antiquated. Why can’t a man have more than one woman and not be looked at as if he’s taking advantage of the women and why are the women looked at like they’re crazy for being in that kind of situation? Sometimes one man is the perfect fit for more than one woman and vice versa. Not saying I could deal with two husbands because one gets annoying enough at times, but if that’s your speed who am I to judge.
I’m just sayin’…everything ain’t for everybody but don’t the “traditional” way is the only way.