Sorry to disappoint new year same me…
I no longer make annual lifestyle affirmations of changes to come, I make daily sometimes minutely lifestyle affirmations of change.
The last year has been quite an adventure, my mother and I reconciled somewhat (it’s conditional of course, that condition being the minute I feel like she’s over stepping boundaries I’m out. I’ve made that super clear to her) we haven’t resolved any of our issues because she lacks remorse or the ability to acknowledge, anything. I’ve decided that’s her issue and I chose to move forward accepting her flaws, but demanding respect. You see I had to change in order for our relationship to change, I’d been dwelling on my pain and letting it define me and once I decided to heal myself instead of waiting for her acknowledgement or words to heal me life got a little easier.
I’ve had some bumps in my marriage, and we’re healing, relationships of any kind can be challenging. People change, and you have to decide if you’re willing to deal with that change good or bad. Throughout this process I’ve learned you can’t quit just because you don’t like what’s going on. And I’m not ashamed to admit it but in the past I’ve been a quitter (this isn’t entirely true, being a parent is the hardest job I’ve ever had and I’ve never quit on my kids), when shit has gotten hard, I just quit because I didn’t like to be uncomfortable or put in a space where I didn’t have control of the final outcome.
Continue reading “New Year, New Me?”
I’ve been gone for a “minute” doing life shit, and by life shit I mean working, moming, wifeing, (I am fully aware that those words aren’t real words) repeat.
Thankfully my love for all things Game of Thrones has brought me back to the blogger sphere. If you don’t watch GOT clearly we aren’t friends, could never be friends, kill yo self and why are you here?
Any whoooo, I’ve learned a few things this past season and I’d like to share those little gems with you.
1) Being the Three-Eyed Raven gives you the right to be a seriously unthankful glazed eyed douche bag. #iwantwhatbranwassmoking
2) It’s ok to screw your sibling if you’ve blown up the only authority that could hold you accountable for your incestuous practices. Was I the only person who hated Cersai’s haircut and fashions this season? Looks like she shopped exclusively at the wicked stepmother’s boutique.
3) File Scrolls, Empty Shit, Feed and Repeat; That’s the life of Maester in training.
4) Aligning yourself with the Mother of Dragons will get you tortured and poisoned; The alliance between , Daenerys, Yara and Theon Greyjoy, Ellaria Sand and Olenna Tyrell was a short lived epic failure.
5) Jon Snow continued to do Jon Snow shit and almost got himself killed trying to capture a white walker. #dumbestideaever
6) R+L = A; Lyanna Stark was not kidnapped by Rhaegar Targaryen she was in love with him and they married secretly in Drone where she later gave birth to her son Aegon Targaryen aka Jon Snow.
Continue reading “Game of Thrones: Season 7 – Ten Things I’ve Learned”
I’ve been very vocal on this platform about dealing with depression.
My last bout was close to two years ago, I’ve made some good decision with eliminating or reducing my triggers.
Today is my mothers birthday (she’s a trigger) I feel really sad and overwhelmed with emotions, because I can’t share my life or her life because we have unresolved issues that will be forever unresolved. And I also feel sad because I’ve made the mistake of making my children and my husband my world, and I’m not the center of their worlds anymore. I don’t feel “needed”, I feel useless and I don’t have an outlet because being needed by them has been my purpose for so long.
My husband has a life that doesn’t include me, my daughter is 18 with her own friends, goals and life that don’t include me. My oldest son lives with his father and has decided that I don’t matter. I get it he’s 14 and maybe rebelling against me, doesn’t make it hurt less. My youngest still “needs” me and that’s good, but my feelings have me so out of wack I don’t have the emotional energy to give him.
It’s scary honestly, not knowing what to do with yourself because other people have always looked to you and now that they don’t who am I?
I’ve been someones mom since I was 19 I’m 37, I figured out how to be a mother before I figured out how to be a woman. Every decision I made about this life was for the betterment of my children, I’ve always been an afterthought.
I feel alone…
I need a break…
So I’m slowly but surely losing interest in this show and I blame the writers. Are they looking to cancel the show because if they keep on the path they are going no one will be watching. The only thing that might possibly keep me interested in this show is the eye candy.
Let’s review this pile of crap of an episode.
Is it me are is Kara super annoying so far this evening, why is she so hell bent in creating an opportunity for MJ? I’m confused. So MJ is in awe of Rhonda aka Big Dee Dee, but we all know Rhonda can’t be trusted, well everyone but MJ. Rhonda asks MJ to cover some charity gala award dinner where she’s receiving an award blah blah blah. Kara’s plot is for MJ to do some intel and dig up some dirt on Rhonda, Rhonda is an old “G” and they same plot is on her mind.
Continue reading “Being Mary Jane S4 E2 “Getting Naked””
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
On October 9, 2016, HBO premiered an original series “Insecure” starring and written by Issa Rae, if you’re an Issa Rae fan like I am you were introduced to her via her hit YouTube series “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl” also known as Awkward Black Girl (ABG). The series was loosely based on Rae’s experiences as you guessed it an awkward black girl as she navigates life. This post is not a review of either series, (even though I love love love both! I didn’t review Insecure because there seemed to be enough reviews on the interwebs to entertain you all.) this post is about the new trend of women (specially black women) now claiming to be awkward after watching the series or seeing interviews where Issa Rae shares stories of her sometimes awkward life even now as a she and her series has been nominated for various awards.
Continue reading “Random Thoughts: Bad Bitches and Awkward Black Girls”
I’ve been fairly quiet here in the “adventure zone” as it relates to politics and ya’ll president (I didn’t vote for that nigga, so I’m not claiming that nigga).
While I wasn’t expecting any spectacular politically ground breaking shit to happen (You know a government that takes the needs of the people into consideration) if Hillary was elected I definitely didn’t think I’d be on the other side of contemplating purchasing a gun (guns scare the fuck out of me and the fact that buying one is an option says a lot) for protection cause racist niggas are getting bolder now that their president won.
Continue reading “Random Thoughts: White House Down “
Almost Christmas is a feel good dramedy about a family who has lost it’s matriarch, but is trying keep some normalcy within their holiday traditions while grieving and dealing with everything that already comes along with family coming together for the holidays.
This post is less about the movie (not that I didn’t enjoy the movie, I really enjoyed the Continue reading “Almost Christmas”
I personally don’t celebrate Christmas (any holiday actually, my household has unanimously voted and decided that our respective birthdays are holidays, if Columbus can be celebrated for starting the semi-genocide of Native peoples we can make our birthdays holidays), not for religious reasons I’m just not interested in participating in a man made holiday that promotes excessiveness and materialism.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t impose my opinion of the holiday on anyone else, if you celebrate great for you. I just don’t understand why I’m interrogated when asked my plans for the holidays after I respond that I don’t celebrate said holidays. Most people don’t know what to say when I give my answer so one of two things happen, there is an awkward pause or an elaborate explanation made by the other party explaining to me why they Continue reading “Christmas…Killing trees so that your gifts have a place to chill until the new year”
In Jill Scott’s song titled “Lighthouse” from her album Woman she sings the following lyrics in the last verse of the song;
If we should even be
See I’m in love with a man
Who loves me
He’d do anything
Oh his heart knows no boundaries
With a different pen
On different paper
So I’m sitting here
If we should even be
I, too, have needs
Like my thought on a beat
Hypnotic and sweet
Part of the dream
And I need you
On the other side of the speaker
To look up a little more
And think a little deeper
And live in your truth
I need that too
I need to do that too
These lyrics and the idea behind acceptance of a mans “need” sow his seed with various Continue reading “Is She Weak If She Accepts That He Cheats?”