I Changed My “Name”

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Well I didn’t change my real name, I just changed the name of this blog. I originally chose the name to match the name of my now deactivated YouTube channel.  I decided it made sense to change the name to reflect what this blog is really about. ME! and all my gloriousness.

I also did a little social media purging, I deleted my Facebook “page” honestly I don’t see the point of having a blogger page, if I want to share my thoughts via this blog, I’ll just share it to my personal Facebook page.

Honestly I’m not a “public figure” and I’m not a blogger in the sense that I’m looking to gain notoriety, popularity or income from doing this, so all the extra work of trying to interest “followers” was essentially a waste of time. I also deleted that Tumblr thing that I had no real use for and I’m currently having a battle with Twitter; I’m trying to delete that account as well, but it seems Twitter is the devil and has decided it’s going to frustrate the shit out of me to sway me from deactivating it.

Since Twitter wants to be a tool, I just unlinked it from this blog and I plan on never using it EVER.

So I’m down to one form of social media, that being Facebook, me thinks I’m winning my battle for social media autonomy.

Any who welcome to “Adventures of T”, I hope you weren’t hoping for change in content because there isn’t, I just changed the name #thatisall. Sorry to disappoint you…

T

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Trolling – Cyber Stalkers

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Trolls/Trolling seems to be the thing to do on the interwebs, honestly I’m not sure what the purpose of trolling is exactly. I mean I get the why, hate filled idiots “troll” the interwebs, it’s like a safe haven for them. They can spew all kinds of obscenities and make no sense at all to all of the common-sensical people in the world from the safety of their own homes hidden behind a computer screen.

The trolling I’m referring to comes from people you may have once been friends with or in a relationship with. If you have no plans on every speaking to this person every again in life socially, why go stalk their social media accounts?

Now we’ve all been a little curious on the happenings of exes, and ex-friends and might find ourselves checking on them to see how they are, you know the harmless stuff. It becomes unhealthy and “trolly” when you first of all have some sort of disdain or hate for the person and yet you find yourself looking at their various social media outlets. (I know this first hand, someone I ended a friendship with it found it necessary to bash me and my husband in blog posts, I’m guessing to make themselves feel good about not having us in their lives)

This is the only social media outlet where I feel I have no control over who can potentially “troll” me. Especially in the case of friendships that have recently ended badly.

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Music Minute: Tyrese – Black Rose

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Tyrese aka Tyrese Gibson aka Black Ty depending on whether he’s singing, acting or rapping dropped his latest contribution to the music industry, titled Black Rose.

I have to say I’m not mad at this album at all, there isn’t one track that I don’t like, my favorite being “Don’t want to look back” featuring Chrisette Michele. If you are like me and you love a good R&B slow jam album, I feel confident in saying you’ll enjoy this album.

There are 14 tracks total, ranging from slow to mid-tempo ballads, with the exception “Dumb shit” featuring Snoop Dog, all the songs are pretty much love songs/baby making music.

This album definitely makes me feel like R&B music might have a chance of making a comeback, if we could get a few more male singers to sing like Tyrese, Tank, R. Kelly (pre-underage sex scandal) and Joe it would be like we stepped into the 90s.

Tyrese enlists the likes of Brandy, Tank and a bit of Marsha Ambrosius on “Picture Perfect”, I really miss male R&B albums like this one, Tank has been the only one holding me down in this department. I wish Music Soulchild would stop playing around with his sound and get back to the basics that made us love him so much.

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I’m finally a believer…

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I’m a firm believer in giving people the proverbial rope to hang themselves with, or in the eloquent words of  Maya Angelou “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.

More befitting in the case of this post, when people show you who you are to THEM, believe them the first time.

I’m some what of a softy when it comes to people I love, in this case a certain person has shown me who I am to them, but I just didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to believe I was more than what I am now realizing I really am. I thought I had the honor of being a part of the club of people of holding a special place in this persons heart, BOY was I wrong.

When you build new relationships with people and you find out that you’re just a consolation prize because of how you are introduced to the person, it stings when you finally realize it.

I don’t understand why it seems that it’s impossible for most people in my life to be honest, especially when you ask them before any drama happens.

Perfect example, about a year ago I sensed that my husband’s favorite aunt wasn’t feeling me so, I asked my husband and one of his siblings what they thought. My husband told me to ask his aunt, his sibling told me I was tripping and not to worry about it. I listened to my husband and asked his aunt, she informed me that there was no problem at all, fast forward to a few months later, I say something online that she thinks is about one of her nephews and when I tell you this woman let me have it. SHE GAVE IT TO ME RAW WITH NO LUBRICANT, everything I was feeling leading up to this moment finally came out-and-out of respect for my husband I took the tongue lashing with grace and class (which was extremely hard and shows how much I really love my husband).

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Time Heals all Wounds?

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I’m not sure who said time heals all wounds, but I’m sure they meant physical and not emotional. If there is no closure in any situation the “wound” will always reopen, I’m living proof of it.

I have mommy and daddy issues (who doesnt’ right), I have completely healed from my daddy issues because I have closure thanks to my dad. He apologized and acknowledged his lack of appearance in my life growing up, we haven’t spoken in roughly two years and we probably won’t speak every again and I’m ok with it (he has stipulations on our having a relationship that include his wife and two daughters and I’m not going to be forced to deal with anyone especially people I don’t like or respect, but that’s another post).  His absence no longer leaves a void, because I have answers.

My mother on the other hand has apologized but it was one of those “If I did anything to hurt you I apologize” apologies, which in my opinion are not apologies at all.To say the word “if”, implies you have not acknowledged or have the slightest clue what you did to hurt someone. She has yet to take the most important step in our healing process which is acknowledgment, the lack of acknowledgement is what keeps reopening my wounds. I’ll go a good three or four months and be semi-ok with our relationship and then I will wake up one day and all of those negative feelings will come flooding back.

I continue to try to rationalize and internalize my feelings, forcing myself to accept what’s unacceptable, my feelings are valid things were done and said that have impacted my life and by forcing myself to take accountability for someone elses actions I’m only doing harm to myself. No matter how great all other aspects of my life are, I will continue to circle back to these feelings I have towards her. If I never spoke to her again for the rest of my life it would probably be easier, out of sight out of mind right?

So do I think time heals all wounds? No sir/madam. Only resolution and closure can heal and help any situation from the pettiest of situations to the most serious.

T

Why I broke up with YouTube

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I can honestly say in the beginning I had an extremely unhealthy relationship with YouTube, I created my account about five years ago when I entered my natural hair journey. Scouring channels for information on how to care for my hair properly without the use of harsh chemicals. To my surprise there was an abundance of well versed vloggers on the topic, some useful most not. To my surprise the most popular natural hair vloggers where the curly haired non kinky vloggers which I had nothing in common with. My hair texture is basically soft wool with a hint of a zig zag and you can only see a zig or zag when I manipulate it.
I was in LOVE with YouTube, I could get beauty and hair tips all in one place for FREE at that. So how could something so good and free ultimately end in a break up?

Well I started noticing the tide change with most of the vloggers I subscribed to, it started to become less about informing the viewer and more about product placement, advertisements and paid sponsorship. unbeknownst to me I had become a means to an end, and that end being money. With the right amount of subscribers and popularity YouTube can become a big money maker. Now I’m not hating anyones hustle at all, get in where you fit in and make your money the best way you know how, but try to have some integrity and honesty.

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