Mom Chronicles: Festivals, Bedtimes & Trash Music

Mom Chronicles: Festivals, Bedtimes & Trash Music

I always thought I’d stay the cool hip mom forevah (evah evah, evah evah), because black don’t crack and I’m banging on 37 but I can pull off 28 on any given day (maybe 25 when I lose these last 15lbs).

While spending time with my cousin (who’s cool as shit, cooler than me by the way) at the Roots Festival (I officially renamed it because I refuse to use the “P” word, know your history) I’ve realized I’m not as cool as I once thought I was and I be on some old lady shit for reals.

I have questions that maybe ya’ll young bucks can help me answer. Continue reading “Mom Chronicles: Festivals, Bedtimes & Trash Music”

Random Thoughts – Blizzard 2016

random-thoughts-logo-sq-turq1

22.4 inches is what the weather guessers are guessing we accumulated during winter storm Jonas here in Philadelphia, PA.

We did our normal grocery shopping Thursday night, it was super packed of course with storm shoppers. The kids got a snow day out of it, so it’s not all bad for them I guess. My morning commute would have been normal if a man on the bus hadn’t had a seizure as soon as I stepped on the bus. Talk about eventful mornings, the man was alright as far as I could tell (but then again, I’m not a medical professional), he was breathing when I got off the bus to wait for another bus to come.

I like snow when it first falls, living in the city it gets disgusting around the second day, grey and grimy; it’s not a good look.

Winter has just really showed up and I’m already planning summer vacation.

X-files premiered last night and I must say I was pleasantly surprised with this reboot, I watched the series when I was younger, but I couldn’t fully appreciate it the way I can now as an adult.

Continue reading “Random Thoughts – Blizzard 2016”

#DEMKIDS – Let’s Talk about Sex

Kids

The sex talk I continuously have with my seventeen year old (I say continuously because the “talk” shouldn’t be a one time thing, it should be something that takes place on an ongoing basis until you can’t talk about it anymore) isn’t the same conversation (singular) that I had with my mom.

I remember my mom telling me how babies were made, not what sex was.

Well I talk to my teen about sex, the good, the bad and the ugly. We talk about how it feels, how it’s a normal part of being human because we’re sexual beings. I’m not teaching her that sex is bad, like most of our parents (if you’re a 70’s or 80’s baby) did with us. And I’m definitely not being unrealistic in telling her she should wait until she gets married to have sex.

I do tell her she should wait until she finds a person deserving of her gift (and I say gift because “giving” your virginity to someone shouldn’t be something you do all willy nilly or just give to anybody especially not a #fuckboy.) this is something she’s going to remember for the rest of her life.

I on the other hand lost my virginity to someone I didn’t care about, out of pure curiosity. I was tired of hearing my girlfriends talk about sex and pretending that I knew what they were talking about. If I could go back in time the who and why I lost my virginity would change most definitely. I don’t want my teen to feel like I do and that’s why I talk to her honestly and openly about sex.

I’m not trying to be my daughters friend, but what I am trying to do is let her know that I’m #teamher. And if that means taking her to a store and buying her a dildo because she’d rather learn the art of self gratification, than hey I’m taking her to the store. I mean it’s the purest form of safe sex ever anyway.

When she does decide she’s found the right person to share her gift with, I’m hoping all of this sometimes uncomfortable talk will be taken into consideration in her decision making. I want her to be smart about her body and the choices she makes with it, from what she puts in her mouth nutritionally to what she puts in her mouth sexually. (yes I did go there and that’s how I talk to her, no holds bar. I don’t need her learning all the wrong shit about sex from her stupid friends who know just as much or less than what she knows.)

Communication is the greatest way to get through to your kids, talk to them and talk some more and keep talking until they start talking back to you. I’m telling you it works.

T

#Demkids: Parent-trap

Kids

The one thing you shouldn’t do as a parent I’ve fallen victim to, becoming comfortable in my parenting capabilities. Yes I have good kids, but the goal is for them to be great.

I’ve become complacent and comfortable, when I need to take what I’ve accomplished thus far and challenge myself to be an even better parent than I already am. I need to engage more even if it makes the older kids uncomfortable, even more talking, more one on one quality time with them, just more of ME.

Especially with the youngest, I definitely fell off on my mommy duties, I let the parent-trap called technology take over and I’ve been comfortable with it. I plan on turning off the television, shutting down the computer, no iPad or toys and engaging with my seven-year old.

I’ve found that he’s not so quick to express himself verbally and I take the blame for that, I’m not doing my job well enough. I think we’ve all fallen victim at some time or another to letting technology entertain or distract our children, while we try to have some “me” time. But you know what, when we decided to have children our little “me” time goes out the door.

It’s become way to easy to let a computerized gadget do the job that we should be doing, entertaining, educating and influencing our own children. They aren’t going to like me for this, but the goal is for them to love me for it in the long run. Sometimes you have to check yourself as a parent, a wife,sister, friend etc., and make sure you’re not just doing what’s expected but going the extra mile and doing the unexpected.

I have a ton to learn in this parenting game, and that’s the great thing about life…if we choose to, we can learn something new everyday…

T

#DemKids: Hippy Mommy, Reasonable Daddy

Kids

Parenting styles not only vary family to family, they vary within a household, my husband is the reasonable, responsible one who asks questions like “who’s going to be there”, “what time is it over” you know normal stuff. Whereas my response is usually “sure have fun!”, which isn’t a good thing all the time.

Our daughter probably finds it annoying that every time she asks to do something, I tell her to “ask daddy, and if he’s ok with it I’m ok with it”. I can imagine hubby’s frustration when I approve something for one of the children without obtaining any information.

I’m fully aware where this is coming from, growing up my household was pretty strict, my mom never let us go anywhere out of fear that someone would do something to us. And because I missed out on sleepover’s, and summer away camps etc., I ok pretty much everything my kids ask for, because I don’t want them to resent me because I was too strict.

I’m working on my hippyness, with the help of hubby I think I will be able to find mid ground between becoming a little more stern and being a complete flower child parent.

No one person has this parenting game down, we’re all learning as we go along kids and parents alike. Hopefully we all make the right choices and are successful in making some really cool, caring, responsible, giving people. That’s all I can hope for…

T

#Demkids: Teenager Addition

Kids

As a parent you try your hardest to make sure your kids feel loved, keep them safe, sane and healthy, physically and emotionally. When it comes to the emotions of teenage girls, just know that nothing you say or do will help, you might even make the situation worse without knowing it.

My teenager is going through what most teenagers go through, image issues. How others see us rarely matches how we see ourselves no matter the age, I think she’s beautiful, she’s all the things I wish I were when I was her age. But everything that I see that’s beautiful about her, she sees as a flaw. I don’t know what to say or do to help her see what I see, all I can do is keep telling her what I see and hope she comes to see it as well.

My biggest fear is that some boy or man (fuckboys can see a lack of confidence from miles away) tries to prey on her during this time that she’s emotional and unsure of herself.

The last thing I want is for her to have a false sense of confidence based on others opinions (including me and her dad) I want her to love herself because she loves everything about herself flaws and all. I’m just unsure how to express that without sounding parenty, we all know teenagers don’t want to hear anything that their parents have to say because “we” don’t know what it’s like to be them blah blah blah.

I didn’t have any help in this department growing up, my mom or dad never told me I was beautiful I had to look within myself and figure it out and in doing so I made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes I don’t want her to make, she’s been my pretty little girl every day for the last sixteen years, I’ve made sure she heard that from me so she wouldn’t seek reassurance from fuckboys. But being a teenager is complicated and I’m sure she feels I’m bias because she’s mine and she’s right I am bias, but I’m also right in my opinion of her being beautiful to me.

She’s my beautiful toffee complexioned girl, with the prettiest smile, beautiful full lips, flawless skin, girls/women would pay their weight in gold for her skin, she has the cutest nose, and bushy eyebrows, her eyes are the gateway to her soul which is soooo unique. My hope is that this post finds its way to her and she reads it, looks in the mirror and sees what I see…

T

Parenting: #DemKids

#Demkids

I’ve always believed being a parent is the hardest job in the world, when you make a decision you not only make that decision for yourself you make it for your kids.

My oldest son decided that he wants to live with his biological father, he will be thirteen very soon. The last few year he’s been going through a rebellious phase and we’re pretty sure it’s because he wants to spend more time with his bio-dad. (I’m not a fan of bio-dad and I’m going to leave it at that.)

Last year he was supposed to make the move with bio-dad and it didn’t happen, I was super happy about it because honestly, IMO bio-dad shouldn’t and doesn’t want to be a parent (he would argue differently, but actions speak louder than words). My son made it very clear that he no longer wants to live full-time with myself, his step-dad and his siblings. I’m sure if we force him to stay he’ll continue to act out as he’s been doing for the last few years.

What do you do when the hardest decision you have every made might be the worst decision?

It’s not like he’s moving out of the state, he’ll be in the same city and I’m hoping he’ll come home to visit when he wants to. How do I not take his decision personally? I feel like his decision is a direct reflection on me, what did I do wrong?

I know it sounds silly and he’s communicated that its nothing that I’ve done, he just wants to get to know his bio-dad. I hate this because I can’t control the situation (tiny bit of a control freak especially in the case of my kids). All I can do is hope that the lessons we have taught him will stick with him and that he doesn’t change for the worse.

Being a parent is something…Not sure what that something is yet but it’s definitely something…

T

#DemKids: Can you call kids cunts?

#Demkids

I love my kids more than anything else in the world, but sometimes they do and say some really cunt like shit. No I’m not the best parent in the world, I honestly think if there was a licensing system set up to be allowed to have kids I’d definitely fail the test and be banned from procreation. #Kanyeshrug. I don’t abuse my kids but I definitely come from the school of outside of the box parenting.

My oldest has this thing she does (and I’m sure it’s a teenager thing) when you ask her a question or try to use your GOD given authority as a parent, she looks at you like you’re the dumbest person on the planet. I seriously hate it with a passion, when I check her she tries to act like she just wasn’t giving me the “dumb ass mom” look.

My middle child, the oldest boy, we just try to avoid speaking to one another because he does this low talk bullshit like I have a bionic hearing aid in my ear and I can hear sixty decibels below the normal hearing range.

My youngest, just says what ever the hell he wants, which is fine. Our job as parents (my husband and I, no I’m not a single parent not that there is anything wrong with being a single parent) is to guide them in this experience called life, until they reach an age where they don’t need as much of our guidance as they used to. I remember the first time he told me “I’m not talking to you”, because I evidently had the audacity to answer a question he asked his sister. My response was “WELL, I’M TALKING TO YOU!”.  He has also learned the “dumb ass mom/dad” look, from his sister.

Kids are cunts, I don’t care what anyone says, yes they can do and say some lovable wonderful things that brighten the darkest of days. But they can also be some of the rudest, selfish, self-centered and inconsiderate mo-fos.

Why can’t we call a spade a spade if a kid is being a cunt? Why do I have to be a bad parent because I called them out on their cuntiness?

SMH

T

#DemKids

I have to say the hardest job I’ve had thus far is the one where I’m called mom. My quirky, weird, loving and funny kids are 16, 12 and 7. Two boys and one girl, the girl being the eldest.

My philosophy on parenting has and will always be, do the opposite of what my parents did or didn’t do, with a sprinkle of asking “#demkids”. I feel like children should be included in the child rearing process, with any relationship you want to be successful communication should be at the top of the list, along with respect, understanding, and effective listening.

In our home my husband and I think it’s best to communicate with our kids instead of demanding that they blindly follow our lead (we expect them to challenge us every so often, sometimes we can use their insight as well). Just because we’re parents doesn’t mean we have all the answers, just like this whole kid thing is new for them, the parent thing is new for us. I know there are three of them so you’re thinking “you have a good idea of what to do, you’ve had practice”, NOPE. Each child is completely different, each responds to authority differently than the other. So our approach varies for each child, just like their approach with us varies.

Good parenting isn’t one size fits all, what works in one household may not work in yours, but trying different things to reach your kids is the point. My husband and I just hope our kids are getting the lessons that we teach them.

T