Almost Christmas

Almost Christmas

Almost Christmas is a feel good dramedy about a family who has lost it’s matriarch, but is trying keep some normalcy within their holiday traditions while grieving and dealing with everything that already comes along with family coming together for the holidays.

This post is less about the movie (not that I didn’t enjoy the movie, I really enjoyed the Continue reading “Almost Christmas”

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It could’ve been worse…Just ask Celie

I found myself for some reason randomly thinking about the novel and film adaptation of Alice Walker’s “The Color Purple”. 156_tmp1301027241-58

You know how some people want so hard for you believe that they have had a super hard life?  Or sometimes you might  find yourself thinking about how bad you’ve had it; and when I have those moments I think of Celie Harris’ life in ‘The Color Purple”, and I instantly start to think “it could’ve been worse”.

And before you state the obvious, I am fully aware that Celie Harris is a fictional character based in a fictional world from the imagination of Alice Walker.

Here are ten reasons, Celie would probably tell you to have several seats if you had the audacity to complain to her how hard your life is…

  1. The man she thought was her daddy raped and impregnated her not once but twice.
  2. The man she thought was her daddy stole both her babies and sold them to complete strangers.
  3. She was “given” to a man who didn’t want to marry her, only because her sister had come of age for the man she thought was her daddy to rape and eventually impregnate.
  4. After walking miles to her new husbands home, she was brutally attacked by her new stepson with a big ass rock as he proclaimed “she ain’t my mammy!”.
  5. She was verbally and physically abused by her husband.
  6. Her husband allowed her sister to come live with them after she ran away from home, then threw her off his land after his plans of gettin’ some ass were thwarted by the sisters moral compass.
  7.  Her husbands whore/girlfriend verbally abused her then became her best-friend and lover than left her and came back married to some man.
  8. Watching your best-friend and lover reconcile with her estranged daddy and realizing your life ain’t shit because you have no idea where your sister and children are.
  9. The man she thought was her father died and left all his money (which included money that belonged to her mother) to his new wife  and probably would’ve left the house and the shop if it weren’t for the fact that the house and shop belonged to Celie’s real daddy and remained in his name after he was lynched and her mommy remarried and died.
  10. Her husband intercepted and hid letters for a cool decade from her sister.

Continue reading “It could’ve been worse…Just ask Celie”

Random Thoughts – #11

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Heelllllo, so I just realized this is my 11th Random Thoughts post (YEAAH BOOOOYEEE) and instead (more like due to lack of creativity at this moment) of coming up with a snazzy title I just named it #11. I’ll probably do that going forward unless I feel like the random thoughts are deserving of distinction.

LET’S DO THIS!

  1. You ever go to read someone’s post on social media and realize it’s long as shit and decide not to read it after all. #kanyeshrug #tooverbose #imcooltoomanywords
  2. Sometimes I ride the train on my way to or from work with my headphones in like I’m listening to music, but I’m really listening to the conversations of other people secretly judging how stupid or interesting they are.
  3. I feel said for miserable people.
  4. We tried a pet dog out for a trial run of two weeks and decided we aren’t a pet dog type of family, we’re more of a pet beta fish. That puppy ran us ragged for those two weeks yo, having a pet is serious.
  5. Life is awesome when you realize what and who really matters most.
  6. Peace of mind is priceless.
  7. I saw a list of what makes a successful person versus an unsuccessful person, I’m half and half does that make me kind of successful or kind of unsuccessful?
  8. If I were a child genius I’d totally be a dick to “normies”, yes that what I would call all of you regular thinking ass folk, normies.
  9. I’m reading a lot more lately, makes me feel like I’m feeding my brain.
  10. Forgiveness really is for you and not the person you’re forgiving, and I have to admit when you commit to forgiving it works. The resentment or anger you felt turns into pity and sadness towards the person, but at least the anger and resentment is gone.
  11. Laughter is really the best medicine, along with chocolate, sex, massages, cake, cheeseburgers, salt & vinegar potato chips…
  12. I don’t understand why we get ashy, itchy and cracky hurt skin in the winter. I can’t take it with this skin, make up your damn mind be one out of the three not all three all the damn time. I’m itchy in some places, cracky hurt in others all while ashy as shit. le sigh (and I use the butters)
  13. If I won the powerball the other day, I would’ve reacted in the same manner as Dave Chappelle when he fictitiously got Oprah pregnant in a skit on his show.
  14. I have an unhealthy obsession with cell phone cases and nail polish.

 

T

 

A Year in Review

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I have to say all in all 2015 was a pretty dope year for me, I lost about 20lbs of which 5 I gained back over the fourth quarter. (#kanyeshrug I like food a lot). I had some really fun adventures with my children and husband and I’m looking forward to many more.

I ended friendships that needed ending, they weren’t real to begin with I foolishly ignored the red flags.

I finally stopped trying to force a relationship with my mother on myself (I know that makes absolutely no sense at all, but it does if you’ve followed this blog throughout the year)

I had a mini-emotional break down, but worked through it with my support system aka hubby. And I feel stronger coming out of the other side of it.

I dedicated a lot of money and some time to causes that will help others, hopefully 2016 will be more giving, equal amounts of time and money.

Continue reading “A Year in Review”

The Tradition of being a Non-Traditionalist

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Every year around this time of the year I find myself explaining to the same people that my family (hubby & #demkids) doesn’t partake in the American traditions  of celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas (or any American holiday, we celebrate our birth anniversaries & marriage anniversaries).

We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the genocide of the American natives and essentially what was the starting point of slavery. I don’t want to teach my children this happy story of the Native Americans and pilgrims coming together to help each other when the ending of the story is much more gruesome and always deliberately left out of the telling of Thanksgiving. The Native Americans were almost wiped out by violence, disease, and greed and those things are nothing to be “thankful” about IMO.

Yes I am fully aware that over the years Thanksgiving has become a holiday less and less about the Natives and pilgrims and more about families across the country coming together eating and sharing all that they are thankful for. I’m thankful every day, so I don’t see the point in participating in this man made sham of a holiday,  in the guise of tribute and celebration of the people who once populated this land and thrived and are subject to living on reservations like an endangered species.

If you think this is something to celebrated that’s great for you, I’m just growing wiry of explaining this “alien” concept every single year.

Continue reading “The Tradition of being a Non-Traditionalist”

Enough is Enough

“Your old habits no longer serve you and your old self has to die in order for your new self to live” – Sharmayne Jenkins

How deep are those words? I was debating writing this post, but with everything I’ve read today I believe that I’m suppose to share my story.

“When are you going to stop running from these issues, and burying the problems deep down inside?” my husband asked me that the other day. See I’ve walked around daily on the brink of an emotional break down.

My immediate family, my husband and children are the best thing to ever happen to me, great right? But my extended family drives me bat shit crazy. I’ve written various posts explaining the frustration I feel towards my mother and father. But for so many years I’ve dealt with situations by not dealing with the situations and finding ways to justify things that need no justification.

I’ve basically been emotionally abusing myself for years by continuing to have relationships with people who are hurting me emotionally, all in the name of “family”.

Continue reading “Enough is Enough”

Recap: Being Mary Jane S3 E4 – Being Kara

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“We must let go of the life we have planned… to accept the one that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

The writers of this show are definitely giving us what we need in a storyline this season. MJ is breaking down the wall and showing some fragility, I love seeing the “human” side of her.

I love, love, love, that we’re getting an in-depth look into Kara’s world, I felt like seasons one and two should have given us more insight on what makes her tick, but I get why it didn’t.

What we know about Kara is that she works her ass off, and her family comes second. Finding out her son potentially has a learning disability adds to her already hectic life. Not saying it’s a bad thing, but if you’re a career driven woman you probably shouldn’t start a family #imjustsayin. And as we saw in the episode Kara agrees, she admitted something that most women will never admit, being a mother is hard as shit and it isn’t for everyone. Just because you have the ability to have a child(ren) doesn’t mean you should especially when you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Continue reading “Recap: Being Mary Jane S3 E4 – Being Kara”

#DemKids: Hippy Mommy, Reasonable Daddy

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Parenting styles not only vary family to family, they vary within a household, my husband is the reasonable, responsible one who asks questions like “who’s going to be there”, “what time is it over” you know normal stuff. Whereas my response is usually “sure have fun!”, which isn’t a good thing all the time.

Our daughter probably finds it annoying that every time she asks to do something, I tell her to “ask daddy, and if he’s ok with it I’m ok with it”. I can imagine hubby’s frustration when I approve something for one of the children without obtaining any information.

I’m fully aware where this is coming from, growing up my household was pretty strict, my mom never let us go anywhere out of fear that someone would do something to us. And because I missed out on sleepover’s, and summer away camps etc., I ok pretty much everything my kids ask for, because I don’t want them to resent me because I was too strict.

I’m working on my hippyness, with the help of hubby I think I will be able to find mid ground between becoming a little more stern and being a complete flower child parent.

No one person has this parenting game down, we’re all learning as we go along kids and parents alike. Hopefully we all make the right choices and are successful in making some really cool, caring, responsible, giving people. That’s all I can hope for…

T

I’m finally a believer…

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I’m a firm believer in giving people the proverbial rope to hang themselves with, or in the eloquent words of  Maya Angelou “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.

More befitting in the case of this post, when people show you who you are to THEM, believe them the first time.

I’m some what of a softy when it comes to people I love, in this case a certain person has shown me who I am to them, but I just didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to believe I was more than what I am now realizing I really am. I thought I had the honor of being a part of the club of people of holding a special place in this persons heart, BOY was I wrong.

When you build new relationships with people and you find out that you’re just a consolation prize because of how you are introduced to the person, it stings when you finally realize it.

I don’t understand why it seems that it’s impossible for most people in my life to be honest, especially when you ask them before any drama happens.

Perfect example, about a year ago I sensed that my husband’s favorite aunt wasn’t feeling me so, I asked my husband and one of his siblings what they thought. My husband told me to ask his aunt, his sibling told me I was tripping and not to worry about it. I listened to my husband and asked his aunt, she informed me that there was no problem at all, fast forward to a few months later, I say something online that she thinks is about one of her nephews and when I tell you this woman let me have it. SHE GAVE IT TO ME RAW WITH NO LUBRICANT, everything I was feeling leading up to this moment finally came out-and-out of respect for my husband I took the tongue lashing with grace and class (which was extremely hard and shows how much I really love my husband).

Continue reading “I’m finally a believer…”

Parenting: #DemKids

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I’ve always believed being a parent is the hardest job in the world, when you make a decision you not only make that decision for yourself you make it for your kids.

My oldest son decided that he wants to live with his biological father, he will be thirteen very soon. The last few year he’s been going through a rebellious phase and we’re pretty sure it’s because he wants to spend more time with his bio-dad. (I’m not a fan of bio-dad and I’m going to leave it at that.)

Last year he was supposed to make the move with bio-dad and it didn’t happen, I was super happy about it because honestly, IMO bio-dad shouldn’t and doesn’t want to be a parent (he would argue differently, but actions speak louder than words). My son made it very clear that he no longer wants to live full-time with myself, his step-dad and his siblings. I’m sure if we force him to stay he’ll continue to act out as he’s been doing for the last few years.

What do you do when the hardest decision you have every made might be the worst decision?

It’s not like he’s moving out of the state, he’ll be in the same city and I’m hoping he’ll come home to visit when he wants to. How do I not take his decision personally? I feel like his decision is a direct reflection on me, what did I do wrong?

I know it sounds silly and he’s communicated that its nothing that I’ve done, he just wants to get to know his bio-dad. I hate this because I can’t control the situation (tiny bit of a control freak especially in the case of my kids). All I can do is hope that the lessons we have taught him will stick with him and that he doesn’t change for the worse.

Being a parent is something…Not sure what that something is yet but it’s definitely something…

T