For Colored Girls who Contemplate knocking a Bitch out when Snitching on a Bitch at work isn’t Enough.

For Colored Girls who Contemplate knocking a Bitch out when Snitching on a Bitch at work isn’t Enough.

Hate is a very strong word, I can count on one hand the few people I can honestly say I hate, but it describes my exact feelings towards a co-worker who I actually thought was cool until I started working with her. I’m trying to empathize and check myself in this current situation by not taking what she is doing personal. Because ultimately it may not be a personal thing. I know for a fact that she hates her job (because she’s expressed to me how much she hates her job when the rest of our team was out of the office) and would like to be doing something other than what we currently do.

That’s all good, but bitch don’t make my life a living hell because you hate what you’re doing, quit and/or find a new job. 70df2e71e30f684988806dcae88ddd0d

I totally get the whole misery loves company thing, but I don’t think that’s the case here, I think
this bitch is lazy and has been getting by with not doing what she gets paid to do for so long that its impossible for her to do otherwise. This would be well and good if I didn’t have to work directly with her.  I heard rumors about how she was before I moved into my current role. But me being an optimist I figured Continue reading “For Colored Girls who Contemplate knocking a Bitch out when Snitching on a Bitch at work isn’t Enough.”

Random Thoughts: Not So Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts: Not So Random Thoughts

There has been so much on my mind the last few days, the massacre in Orlando stands out for obvious reasons.

It’s been all over the news since it happened Sunday morning, I won’t speak about the coward/murderer because too much attention is being thrown his way. I will speak on the victims and how I hope their loved ones find peace as the days go on and find ways to keep the memory of their family members alive.

I can’t imagine how the family members felt receiving those terrifying text messages from their loved ones, it’s heartbreaking. It’s one of the biggest fears of any good parent; to get a call in the middle of the night that your child is in harms way or worse, dead. Which leads me to my next set of thoughts, I’m not religious more specifically I don’t believe in God in the traditional sense, and when I say traditional sense I mean the God you read about from the big three religions those being Christianity, Judaism and Islam.

Continue reading “Random Thoughts: Not So Random Thoughts”

What Do You Want to Be?

What Do You Want to Be?

I’ve seen so many posts on social media about “adulting” and success, it leads me to reminisce.

My third grade teacher Mr. Creedon (I think that’s how his name was spelled, its been a long time) asked us to write down what we wanted to be when we grew up. As an adult I look back and I remember a kid who was so bright eyed and exuberant; I wanted to be a doctor of course, because why not.

We’re taught at a young age that specific professions, would lead to a lucrative, successful and happy life.

Needless to say I didn’t become a doctor (couldn’t stomach it, I learned that in A&P dissecting a piglet) I don’t think I’m less successful, because I don’t hold a position of power. I’m not a “big deal” at my current company nor do I want to be. But most importantly I AM HAPPY, and after having tons of hardships and obstacles in my personal life I’ve realized that peace of mind and happiness outweigh, titles and salary.

Ever since I found my happiness, work and “being somebody” has become less important its so important that its not on my radar at all.

I’ve found inner peace, love and happiness with my family and that makes my goals extremely different from that third grader who wanted to be a doctor. Now my goals include, cooking a bomb ass meal that makes my kids say “thank you mommy that was sooo good,” making memories with them that I didn’t have growing up. Making sure that their level of happiness outweighs any stress or sadness that they could ever experience at this time in their lives. And being the best me that I can be in order to show them what one half of great parenting looks like.

I’m looking forward to things I never thought I’d be looking forward to, being an awesome grandmother and spoiling my grand babies (waaaaaaaay down the road). Growing old with my husband and experiencing that part of our journey together. When I was unhappy and thinking that happiness meant something else those things terrified me.

As cliche as it sounds I feel like happiness trumps everything, like the Mary J. Blige song “Be Happy” says “All I really want is to be happy…”.

I’ve found happiness and more there is really nothing more I can ask for. Surround yourself with people who make you happy not sad, imperfect or small. Things make you happy for a moment but loving yourself and others deserving of your love will make you happy for a lifetime.

What do you guys want to be?

T

 

I’m Super Judgmental and Guess what I don’t care.

I’m Super Judgmental and Guess what I don’t care.

This isn’t something I’ve just recently realized, I’ve come to terms with my strong opinions i.e., judgmental ways a looooooooooooong time ago.

I have, just recently realized I’m not interested in practicing the art of not being strongly opinionated, having and expressing overly aggressive opinions, satirical unwanted opinions, basically  I’m annoying as shit to the people I love and hold dear to my heart.

Continue reading “I’m Super Judgmental and Guess what I don’t care.”

Aging and Body Image: Do you ever truly outgrow self doubt?

Aging and Body Image: Do you ever truly outgrow self doubt?

I think know I had more self confidence when I was younger…

I don’t know what it is but the older I get the more I second guess my appearance. I know you’re probably thinking “with everything that’s happening in the world this chick is concerned with her appearance”, but I am, so sue me I’m human.

I’m getting older and that’s exciting and scary at the same time.

It doesn’t help that the older my husband gets, he’s growing sexier. His grey hair makes him look debonair and refined. My grey hair makes me look like a stressed out old bitch.

I’ve given birth to three children, which shouldn’t surprise you when I tell you that  I suffer from S.M.B (Saggy Mom Boobs) which wouldn’t be so bad if I always suffered from S.M.B, but I had perky cute boobs before the #demkids. So going from perky to semi saggy is kind of a shock to the system ya know.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I can’t look past my imperfections in order to feel good about me again. I’m on this mission that seems like it’s never ending to lose weight and tone up, but what scares me most is reaching my goal and still feeling like I don’t look good enough.

I know my husband doesn’t share in my sentiments (thank goodness for that), but I can’t see what he sees. All I see are big thighs, alopecia, wrinkles, grey hair, stretch marks and stomach.

I guess I didn’t care too much about body image when I was younger because I had youth on my side, now not only do I think about my body image constantly I harp over how I have to look a certain way based off my age.

All of the imagery lately of 80 something year old women with the bodies of 18 year olds doesn’t make it easier; it makes me stress even more about getting my body in order because I can’t be a 40 year old mother of three (when I get to 40) and look like I’m a 40 year old mother of three or older.

Why does it seem like men make aging look easy?

T

To Block or Not to Block?, That is the Question…

To Block or Not to Block?, That is the Question…

block-website

There was a segment on the morning news a few months ago on social media and friendships.

A few of the anchors (women) agreed that going through the motions of “blocking” someone with whom you are no longer friends or in a relationship with was a bit extreme, and showed that you still cared about the person. I disagree, when I break up with you no matter what the level of break up, friend or lover. I don’t want you to have the ability to “peak” in on my life, we’re not in a relationship for a reason.

I blocked a few ex-friends but one specifically is currently a colleague I blocked this person from everything, or at least all of the social media outlets that I’m a participant in. It’s not because I’m salty or still mad, it’s because I know human nature, I don’t want this person or anyone that I’ve ended a friendship with to have access to my life.

I know you’re probably thinking, “you’re thinking very highly of yourself to think someone would want to check up on you” and that’s sort of true, the fact is we see each other on a daily basis because we work together, and I know the person has the tendency to “check up”on people,  exes, the exes of the ex, other colleagues. So I decided once I ended our friendship to be proactive and ensure the person didn’t have access to my life.

I think once you end a relationship why have the unnecessary connections, especially if you don’t foresee any interactions in the future, EVER. Blocking works both ways, the person has no access to you and you to them, it’s a good thing especially in the case of a toxic relationship, you won’t be tempted to “check up” on the person.

Some people may agree with the news anchors, I just believe that when you end something, end it for good and keep it moving…

T

Ten Things Love & Basketball Taught Me

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Television seems to be my bff when I’m sick. Last while waiting up for hubby to return from the studio, suffering from boredom, I scrolled through HBO’s on demand movie selections to find something to occupy my time.

I found the gem that is Love & Basketball, starring Sanaa Lathan and Omar Epps. It’s hard to believe this movie is almost twenty years old. (And how awesome they both look now, this movie came out in 2000.)

If you’ve never seen it, I’ll try not to spoil it too much for you, because it’s worth watching; here are ten things Love & Basketball taught me.

  1. It’s likely that if your best-friend is of the opposite sex you might just end up falling in love with them, so pick your best-friend wisely. He should be handsome, athletic but not to bright  as to see the potential of your beauty until senior year of high school when you put on a dress  for a dance and your older sister hooks you up with a guy that looks like Boris Kodjoe.
  2. In the words of The Fresh Prince, sometimes parents just don’t understand. Both of the leading characters had to deal with parents who wanted to either live vicariously through them or change them. Q’s dad wanted him to do the things he didn’t do, concentrate less on going into the NBA and finishing college to have a degree to fall back on. Monica’s mom just wanted her to “act” like a girl and get over her tomboy phase, when all Monica wanted was to be the first girl in the NBA.
  3. Losing your virginity to you best-friend evidently makes the process less painful and more enjoyable. (Only in the movies)
  4. Spike Lee is capable of being behind a movie that isn’t erratic and all over the place.(I kid, Malcolm X wasn’t erratic and all over the place, but I was surprised while viewing the credits to learn he was one of the executive producers.)
  5. Evidently in the 80’s it was sexy to want to lick the sweat off of a guy’s ass. (Don’t look at me, Gabrielle Union’s character was the one who said it.)
  6. Don’t make your parents problems your problems. Q’s parents were going through some real adult shit and he internalized their issues and made their problems his problem. (now I could be a little bias, because I didn’t grow up in a two parent home where the parents later split due to adultery, maybe that’s something kids go through in these types of situations, but it seems Q made rash decisions based on the actions of two very grown people)
  7. When you’re selfish don’t be surprised when your man/woman steps out on you or calls it quits. You can’t disregard the emotions and feelings of you significant other no matter if your 19 or 40. Just because you can’t empathize with the situation doesn’t mean you should act like it’s not happening and continue to “do you”, what kind of support system are you if all you care about is yourself when your partner is going through it.
  8. Relationships are comparable to a good ole game of b-ball, love of the game, practice, patience, and teamwork will always lead you to a win.
  9. If you love something let it go, if it was meant to be it will come back to you. (Or in Monica’s case he will fuck his knee up, which then gives you an excuse you to come back to the states, find out he got engaged to Tyra Banks and then you challenge him to a game of basketball for his heart that you lose, but then he says sike naw I love you too and all is right with the world.)
  10. In the end don’t give up on your dreams, sometimes you can have it all, that dream job and that dream guy.

I’m a sap for a good love story and this story is as cute as you can get, puppy love turned it to full blown grown up love and marriage and we have basketball to thank for it. I think it’s a very relatable, especially in the case where the common thread that brings these two together is their love for basketball. I think there should be something that you can share in with your significant other something that gives your bond a little something.

Music brought my husband and I together, we’ll always have that bond of loving music. I think it makes the relationship that much more interesting when you share interests otherwise what’s the glue holding you together outside of physical attraction which can sometimes fade.

T

The U.S. Department of Arts & Culture – #PSOTU2016

USDAC

“The U.S. Department of Arts and Culture (USDAC) is the nation’s newest people-powered department, founded on the truth that art and culture are our most powerful and under-tapped resources for social change. Radically inclusive, useful and sustainable, and vibrantly playful, the USDAC aims to spark a grassroots, creative change movement, engaging millions in performing and creating a world rooted in empathy, equity, and social imagination.

What we do:

The U.S. Department of Arts and Culture is an action network of artists and cultural workers mobilizing creativity in the service of social justice. Locally, we support creative individuals in leading arts-infused civic dialogues and change making initiatives by connecting them to a broader network of people, training, and resources. Nationally, we amplify impact through large-scale actions and calls for creative response, building momentum for positive social change and democratic cultural policy. We harness artists’ skills to address the issues of our day, while also nourishing the artist in all of us.

Why:

In this era of broken systems—from healthcare to energy to education to the way our entire economy is structured—citizens must be empowered to imagine and enact positive alternatives. To cultivate effective co-creators of new systems based in equality, non-discrimination, and sustainability, we must provide universal access to empowering creative experiences that build empathy and social imagination.

Active creative participation is a gateway to ongoing civic engagement and the capacity to collaborate is a key element of any resilient community. But for too long, we’ve believed that everything that counts can be counted, ignoring the vital role that arts and culture play in advancing equity, innovation, and democracy. Everything that is created must first be imagined, yet we’ve failed to fully invite and support people in every community to step up as artists and agents of change.” – USCAC 

Continue reading “The U.S. Department of Arts & Culture – #PSOTU2016”

It could’ve been worse…Just ask Celie

I found myself for some reason randomly thinking about the novel and film adaptation of Alice Walker’s “The Color Purple”. 156_tmp1301027241-58

You know how some people want so hard for you believe that they have had a super hard life?  Or sometimes you might  find yourself thinking about how bad you’ve had it; and when I have those moments I think of Celie Harris’ life in ‘The Color Purple”, and I instantly start to think “it could’ve been worse”.

And before you state the obvious, I am fully aware that Celie Harris is a fictional character based in a fictional world from the imagination of Alice Walker.

Here are ten reasons, Celie would probably tell you to have several seats if you had the audacity to complain to her how hard your life is…

  1. The man she thought was her daddy raped and impregnated her not once but twice.
  2. The man she thought was her daddy stole both her babies and sold them to complete strangers.
  3. She was “given” to a man who didn’t want to marry her, only because her sister had come of age for the man she thought was her daddy to rape and eventually impregnate.
  4. After walking miles to her new husbands home, she was brutally attacked by her new stepson with a big ass rock as he proclaimed “she ain’t my mammy!”.
  5. She was verbally and physically abused by her husband.
  6. Her husband allowed her sister to come live with them after she ran away from home, then threw her off his land after his plans of gettin’ some ass were thwarted by the sisters moral compass.
  7.  Her husbands whore/girlfriend verbally abused her then became her best-friend and lover than left her and came back married to some man.
  8. Watching your best-friend and lover reconcile with her estranged daddy and realizing your life ain’t shit because you have no idea where your sister and children are.
  9. The man she thought was her father died and left all his money (which included money that belonged to her mother) to his new wife  and probably would’ve left the house and the shop if it weren’t for the fact that the house and shop belonged to Celie’s real daddy and remained in his name after he was lynched and her mommy remarried and died.
  10. Her husband intercepted and hid letters for a cool decade from her sister.

Continue reading “It could’ve been worse…Just ask Celie”

Her…

She and I don’t know if she would have been a she, I believe in my heart she would have been a she; she would have been seven years old if we had her. I think about her a lot lately and I don’t know why, probably the guilt I carry with me for making the decision to cut her precious life short.

I understand why my husband and I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy seven years ago, but it still haunts me…the guilt. I think to myself why would a happily married couple make such a horrible decision? And I understand the logic behind the why, our son wasn’t even a year old yet, I was working a job that barely paid anything and was actively looking for one that did, he was just beginning to doing his thing as a musician and adding another baby to our little family of five could have quite possibly put us into more debt. I understand all of that, but I hate that money was the reason why I don’t get to look into her eyes and kiss her little cheeks, help her with homework and watch her grow into a beautiful woman.

Abortion is a life sentence of guilt and heartache. I don’t know how other women deal with it, but it was one of the hardest and most heartbreaking things I ever had to do in my life. What I don’t understand is how and why someone would continuously make the decision to lay on a table in a cold room, looking up at the ceiling where someone thought it fitting to place a picture of a waterfall while a doctor takes what is comparable to a vacuum hose inside of you and literally suck life out of you.

Every year around this time of year I feel and internalize my guilt, I don’t talk about it and I try to numb myself to it hoping next year will be better or that I will finally forget about her and what she could have been…

T