I come from a long line of strong women…actually I come from a long line of women who have mastered the art of “faking it until you make it”, I would never claim that I personify strength, I try my hardest to be as strong as my emotions allow me to be.
The world we live in is hostile, scary and painfully lacking in the apathy department, I’m amazed at how easily a person can justify the pain and torment of others as deserving because they choose not to “relate” to those people for whatever reason they find justifiable.
This post is extremely personal, as a black
women person I fake my strength on a day to day basis but my eyes and heart tell a different story. I think I would be 100% correct in stating that black people and other people of color are extremely TIRED of the state of this disunion called the United States of America.
This isn’t something I’ve just recently realized, I’ve come to terms with my strong opinions i.e., judgmental ways a looooooooooooong time ago.
I have, just recently realized I’m not interested in practicing the art of not being strongly opinionated, having and expressing overly aggressive opinions, satirical unwanted opinions, basically I’m annoying as shit to the people I love and hold dear to my heart.
As far as I know there isn’t a guide to being married/in a relationship, I often wonder where these standards of what is and isn’t healthy in a relationship.
If we take our cues from society, there are a ton of things that aren’t “healthy” for our relationships.
Having sex with other people (not saying I agree or disagree just starting the conversation) via an “open” relationship where your partner is aware of your sexual tryst with other men/women.
Flirting, crushing and/or fantasizing about someone other than your mate. (which is completely ridiculous considering most men and women have crushes and fantasize about being with celebrities)
Spending an exorbitant amount of time with your friends in comparison to your mate.
Having hobbies that don’t include your mate.
Traveling without your mate. (now if your mate has no clue that you’re just bouncing to the islands for a weekend, there could be a problem)
There are plenty of examples that I could write. I don’t understand, if a relationship or marriage is so personal and sacredly held between two people why do “we” allow outside forces to determine what is or isn’t healthy in our relationships?
If you and your mate have an understanding of what works for you in YOUR relationship what others think shouldn’t matter.
I think it’s completely hilarious that American culture prides itself on individuality, but when you look at all of the “traditions” and what’s upheld as the “status qua” it’s the complete opposite of individualism. Just look at the national ethos of living the “American dream”, a universal ideal that “anyone” can be prosperous and successful. But the idea of success and prosperity for most seems to mean the exact same thing, lots of money, big houses, expensive cars, fancy clothing and jewelry. If everyone is striving for the exact same things how can we say that it’s individuality?
Back to my point, your relationship is a partnership built and maintained with you and your between you significant other in mind, no one has the right to judge you or tell you what works for YOU.
If you’ve never seen the movie “Love Jones” shame on you, it’s a 90’s (black) cult classic, think of it as a black “When Harry Met Sally”, but with poetry, finger snapping, Lorenz Tate and Nia Long.
I’m not going to give away the story line for anyone who’s thinking of checking it out and you should check it out, it’s a classic love story. The major theme of this movie was the idea, that you could love or be jonesin’ so to speak for a someone so badly that their habits and interests become your habits and interest. Your lives and personalities become so intertwined that there is no clear division of where you end and they begin.
Six signs that you’re a real life adaptation of da (because why not da in place of the) love jones. (snap, snap, snap)
You basically become one person within two bodies, comparable to twins, in some cases you even annoyingly finish each others sentences. Don’t expect your love jones to miraculously give you the ability to read each other’s minds (or maybe ya’ll can and we’re over here love jonesin’ all kinds of wrong, who knows). I don’t think having a love jones means you’ve made scientific breakthroughs in telepathy; if you’re upset he/she will still have the inclination to ask what’s bothering you, (not to say that they won’t have the intuitive ability to feel when something is bothering you, but again intuition is not telepathy at least not since the last time I checked the dictionary).
It’s pretty neat listening in on some of his telephone conversations and hearing some of my “T”isms and vice versa.
What do you think? Any of you guys out there got a love jones?
Television seems to be my bff when I’m sick. Last while waiting up for hubby to return from the studio, suffering from boredom, I scrolled through HBO’s on demand movie selections to find something to occupy my time.
I found the gem that is Love & Basketball, starring Sanaa Lathan and Omar Epps. It’s hard to believe this movie is almost twenty years old. (And how awesome they both look now, this movie came out in 2000.)
If you’ve never seen it, I’ll try not to spoil it too much for you, because it’s worth watching; here are ten things Love & Basketball taught me.
I’m a sap for a good love story and this story is as cute as you can get, puppy love turned it to full blown grown up love and marriage and we have basketball to thank for it. I think it’s a very relatable, especially in the case where the common thread that brings these two together is their love for basketball. I think there should be something that you can share in with your significant other something that gives your bond a little something.
Music brought my husband and I together, we’ll always have that bond of loving music. I think it makes the relationship that much more interesting when you share interests otherwise what’s the glue holding you together outside of physical attraction which can sometimes fade.
I found myself for some reason randomly thinking about the novel and film adaptation of Alice Walker’s “The Color Purple”.
You know how some people want so hard for you believe that they have had a super hard life? Or sometimes you might find yourself thinking about how bad you’ve had it; and when I have those moments I think of Celie Harris’ life in ‘The Color Purple”, and I instantly start to think “it could’ve been worse”.
And before you state the obvious, I am fully aware that Celie Harris is a fictional character based in a fictional world from the imagination of Alice Walker.
Here are ten reasons, Celie would probably tell you to have several seats if you had the audacity to complain to her how hard your life is…
Gentrification IMO is a fancy way of saying, “hey POC, mainly you black people, your neighborhoods are fucked up so I, being a white person will move in with my white homies and make it better…WHITE POWER!”.
I’m sorry if that offends you, but get over yourself because that’s what it is. A bunch of colored folks moving into the suburbs isn’t called something fancy like gentrification, on the low it’s called “property value killer”. It just kills me to think that some white people are in complete and utter denial that this thing called “white privilege” exists. In denying its existence you sir/ma’am are apart of the fucking problem.
Gentrification is just another way of letting us know for certain that white supremacy is a thing…call a thing a thing (Iyanla Vanzant).
My husband said he won’t comply with donating my organs when I die because he loves me so much that he want’s me to haunt him. I let him know flat out, I’m donating his organs lol, but I didn’t know if I could be strong enough to donate our children’s.
I finally got around to watching the highly anticipated, love triangle/fatal attraction/desperate chicks do desperate shit thriller, The Perfect Guy starring Sanaa Lathan, Michael Ealy and Morris Chestnut.
At first glance of the movie trailer, I was hoping this movie would be a really good thriller with a great plot twist. (Don’t ask me why I thought there would be a plot twist, I just did blame my imagination.)
After breaking up with her boyfriend of two years David (Morris Chestnut) because he’s not willing to marry her and pop out babies right away, Leah (Sanaa Lathan) meets and hooks up with Carter (Michael Ealy) two months later. After dating for a short period of time (and obviously getting some good D) Leah takes Carter to meet her parents upon their return home Leah sees a different side of Carter, his sociopath side (which happens to be his real side because he’s not who he claims to be). After realizing something in the milk ain’t clean with this guy, Leah decides to end things with Carter.
Carter pulls a fatal attraction (which comes no where close to Glen Close’s fatal attraction, I’m sorry she still holds the crown for best crazy bitch ever in a movie), kidnaps Leah’s cat, kills her neighbor, leaks a sex tape between Leah and David (Leah and David decide to give it another chance after she realizes she moved way too fast with Carter) to her company and clients, kills David and then tries to kill Leah.