Unrealistic Expectations – Ladies Edition

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I can recall times when I was a single lady, discussing what I wanted in a mate and listening to my girlfriends do the same. At the time most of my girlfriends and I shared the same views on who our “perfect” mate would be. Someone accepting of our children, honest, trustworthy, considerate, etc., no where in our preferred characteristics of a “perfect” mate were, what I like to call superficial additives.

What do I mean by superficial additives? Some women confuse a man’s worth i.e., his earning potential or assets with his character. As a married broad, some of my single friends want a man who makes a certain amount or drive a certain car, it seems that no one is interested in a man’s character, but more so his earning potential/tax bracket.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman who knows what she wants in a mate, whether that be superficial or not, what does bother me is a woman’s expectations of her mate and what she has to offer not matching what she wants.

You want a man to look a certain way, but you’re appearance doesn’t match what you want your mate to look like. Or you want a man to make a certain amount of money, but you’re not bringing the same to the table. In my opinion you attract what you put out there, if you want to be taken care of you should probably look like you take damn good care of yourself first. If I’m a man and you want me to treat you like a Porsche you damn well better look like a Porsche or at least a BMW.

It makes no sense to have such high expectations of your partner when you don’t have your ish together. I remember a “friend” telling me that I had low expectations for not wanting a “baller”, and that was fine, that was her opinion, we were looking for different qualities in a man. I earn my money, so I don’t NEED that “quality” in a man, superficial additives are not qualities in my opinion. Yes its fun to know if I want to buy some shit, my man can buy it for me, but there is nothing wrong with him not being able to buy it for me.

What makes a great man/partner is character, what’s the point in having a man who can buy you everything under the sun if he’s a low down dirty dog. Superficial additives don’t make the man, or at least they shouldn’t and if they do maybe you should do a little soul-searching and ask yourself why do the additives matter more than character?

T

The Great Debate: What do Women Really Want?

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A part from my many reality TV vices, I also enjoy a good scripted television series every once in a while, one of those being, “Being Mary Jane”. I’m not going to run down an overview of the show I’m sure most people have heard of it by now.

The season finale aired on Tuesday March 17th and to his disdain (because he pretty much hates anything on tv that isn’t action or syfy related) hubby watched with me, during and at the end of the show he expressed concern for the main characters mental/emotional state of being.

His words “That’s the problem with y’all women, y’all don’t know what the hell you want, ole boy was honest and told her he didn’t want to be in the situation with the baby mama, and agreed to have a baby with her. Now she’s up vacuuming and acting crazy after she gets what she wants”… 

To that I can only say the television character shouldn’t be taken as a universal representation of women. Yes Mary Jane is a mess, and in my opinion she doesn’t know what the hell she wants. But placing all women in that bubble seemed like a bit much or does it?

I’ve had plenty of conversations with women about what they look for in a mate and what would make them happy in a relationship and nine times out of ten, a lot of what they wanted was contradictory.

But is that enough to say women don’t know what they want? I don’t think so, but then again I’m bias aren’t I.

What do you guys think, do women know what they want?

I think Chris Rock said it best, We want EVERYTHING, and shit what’s wrong with that.

T