How many times have you heard someone say “age ain’t nothing but a number”?, those words ring so true in this experience called life.
I’ve come to the realization that having aged another year doesn’t bring you a step closer to the “meaning of it all”. You see I figured when I got older everything in the world would make sense to me, I’d have this thing called life eating out the palms of my hands. Seems simple enough right? Wrong. I’m 35 and this shit still has me confused. I’m 35 and I still don’t know who/what I want to be when I grow up.
I play quite a few roles very well if I say so myself; mom shiiiit as far as I’m concerned the role of mom is the shit. Three people look up to me and I nurture them give them awesome insight on my brilliance and how I interpret this crazy ass world. I try to teach them what it means to be a good person while not taking life and all its craziness too seriously. Wife; another role I’m fucking awesome at, his needs are met in every way I can meet them. If he was unsatisfied I’m sure he would leave me or would have never married me. Employee; I do my job and I do it well everyone likes me as far as I can tell. Sister; could probably use some work considering I cut off all of my blood siblings and at this point in my life I really could give two shits about it. Daughter; that’s tricky I’m an ok daughter to some ok ass parents who really did awful jobs as being parents. So I’d have to say ok is too good for them. Friend; is also tricky because I’d rather not do the friend thing because people are weird and feelings… it’s all very exhausting in my opinion.
So mom, bam!, wife, boom! employee, blop! sister, blap!, daughter, meh!, friend, double meh!
The one role I can’t seem to get a clear grasp of is ME! now ain’t some shizzz…..
It think it might be due to my being this super complex creature that was created to puzzle everyone including myself….
Whatever the case may be, I continue to surprise myself with the good, the bad and the indifferent aspects of my personality and how I view myself and the world. Maybe it isn’t meant for me to figure me out…
That’s some deep shit…maybe lol