Random Thoughts: Work Edition

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So I’m the only black person in a “front” office position in my workplace, the other black person works in the mail room, there are three other women of color, Asian and East Asian. All of the other women in my office are (you guessed it) white women, majority of them come from money, all live in center city and run in pretty much the same social circles.

I’ve noticed that they tend to exclude myself and the East Asian girls, but they include the one Asian young lady who is Indian. Now, I try not to speculate on anything, I’m an observer, in my head I wonder what makes the Indian young lady so different from myself and the other ladies? Two of the other ladies are married with children like myself, the other is in a relationship but she lives in center city, I think she’s hip and trendy, but to my knowledge she doesn’t come from money.

The Indian young lady, doesn’t come from money, she doesn’t live in center city, but she does have an amazing spirit and personality. The point of this random thought is I wonder what makes her more relatable then the rest of us, more specifically me?

I’ve known plenty of white women from past employers who weren’t standoffish with black women (but then again they didn’t come from money either), I know I don’t give off negative energy, everyone in the office always talks about how friendly I am. But I wonder why it seems I’m left out of the loop so to speak, I don’t think its age, the only thing I can think of is the stigmatism that’s automatically associated with being a black woman especially a black woman who doesn’t hold the special socio-economic status that would allow me to appear more relatable.

Now I don’t think for a moment that any of these women are racist, but I do think they may have a preconceived notion of who they think I am that blocks them from being able to relate with me.

Maybe it’s because I don’t drink Starbucks or carry around a Louis Vuitton bag, naw I think it’s because I’m black (I kid, I kid, probably not because high-siddity black women don’t see it for me either)

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Random Thoughts: What’s going on…

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There is so much going on in the world, in the United States where I live, a ton has to do with the murders of black women and men by police, and racial extremist (terrorist).

It’s extremely disheartening and I try not to over think it because I’m an extremely sensitive person, I’m what some would call an “emotional empath”, which in a nutshell means I’m hypersensitive to the emotions and energy of other people. As you could imagine the news is emotionally draining for me, I try to stay away from it but with this age of social media there is no real way to completely get around it.

A lot of things I don’t understand, like why are some people so hell-bent on objecting to the #blacklivesmatter movement, I’m sorry but in this country there is clear history of some whites taking it upon themselves to eradicate the land of black people. The killing of black people is and will continue to be an epidemic until WE ALL come together to make sure it ends. It’s not a black people problem, it’s an ALL people problem. If it’s not racist vigilantes, it’s the police, and some ignorant people make statements like “oh they’re going to pull the black card” well if racist people didn’t create racism against blacks there would be no such thing as the “black card”.

I don’t even want to touch the whole debate over the confederate flag and how people don’t understand the symbolism of the flag, it is a reminder of oppression and inequality for blacks. IMO saying its “southern pride” is a bunch of bullshit. If you know history you know the south seceded from the north because they wanted to continue owning black people, so fuck outta here with the bullshit you’re trying to feed me.

I’m tired of trying to find the good in people, I’m learning that people I thought were in my life because they genuinely wanted to know me really weren’t. And it bummed me out for a while and I started to second guess myself and wonder what was wrong with me. I realized hurt people are incapable of loving someone when they don’t know how to love. I feel like I’m always captain “save a hoe” when it comes to people I love, going out my way to make sure they are ok and genuinely being a cheerleader for them, lending myself in any way that I can and not realizing that there is no reciprocity.

I’m getting older and that’s scary, I think about life after death, where does my life force go next. I’m not religious I don’t believe in heaven or hell so those are not options for me, which leaves me feeling kind of empty. I’m learning, thanks to hubby that I shouldn’t worry about things I have no control over and appreciate my life as it is every day.

I miss wine, I’ve been trying to fine tune my eating habits and that means no alcohol.

I think I’m suffering from Alopecia Areata, I won’t know for sure until I go back to the dermatologist, its kind of rough I have a bald spot on each temple, it’s messing with my confidence so I’m wearing wigs more.

I feel like I need to be more social and spontaneous, It’s super hard because I love being home with my family, I enjoy the comfort of my home, feeling safe with the people I know for certain love me.

Any random thoughts you guys want to share? What’s going on with you guys?

T

Random Thoughts: It Gets Weird inside my Brain

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Whispering is creepy

Horses scare me

My husband has a pair of cargo pants that make me uncomfortable

Kids are super cunts sometimes (is it bad to say that out loud? whatevs its true, they’re so inappropriate but we give them passes because “they don’t know any better” FOH)

Social media has made us all into attention whoring zombies

My sister-in laws don’t like other people’s feet touching their feet and my husband loves to torture them with his feet (lol)

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I’m not good at Social Media

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I’m finding it hard to be “present” in the world of social networking/social media, these are a few reasons why I think I’m no good at social media.

I’m too honest, and that seems to bug people, evidently honesty isn’t necessary in the realm of social media. Everyone likes rainbows, fallacies and lies.

I’m not very good at seeming seamlessly interesting. I think the people who are posting these great things about themselves and their lives have it hard. Because if you were really that interesting why would you feel the need to post all of your interesting adventures minute to minute via social media. (This doesn’t mean bloggers, because most bloggers write about their adventures after the adventure is over – see how that works attention whores. See there I go with that damn honest bug again).

I don’t take myself that seriously, it seems everyone is saying or doing something profound on social media. I’m super random and so are my thoughts.

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